Up Again, Down Again

I am oh-so aware now why so many women refer to this Army wife life as a roller coaster ride. I'm totally on it. Have I mentioned that I hate roller coasters? No? Well, I do. So, I'm hating the current roller coaster that is my life and emotions.

Joe deploys way too soon. I'm freaking out. I had reason to actually hope that Joe wasn't deploying yesterday, only to find my hopes slashed as per usual.

I met a new friend today, which I'm totally excited about! There's a very good chance that she's going to be my deployment bff. =) Our husbands are in the same company, which is not only great for being friends but for vital information too. Yay!

I was reminded today that there's a bigger reason my husband is leaving me for a year. It's called freedom. Freedom that was trampled on by terrorists. My husband is leaving me to fight for yours, mine, and all Americans' freedom. For our ability to sleep safe and sound in our beds at night. Who am I to be distraught about that? My husband will come home a hero. He told God and our country "Here am I, send me!" and they're sending him. I know that God called him to serve. The man definitely has a servant's heart. How can I tell God not to send him? I can't. I can't do that and claim to believe that God is in control - that He has gone to the battlefield before my husband and prepared the way in which he should go. I would not be the woman God made me to be if I asked God to keep him here. No doubt about it, I'd love for my husband to be able to stay here, in my arms where I know without a doubt that he's safe.

It's hard. It sucks. I don't like it. But I will get up every day. I will believe that God has us in his hands. I will believe that God has bigger plans for my husband and I than I can even begin to imagine. I will trust God. I will.

I will also cry. I'll be mad. I'll be upset. I may throw things. I may yell as loud as I can just to get it out. But, I will survive.

I will watch him get on that bus. I will kiss him goodbye and say a thousand "I love you"s and even more "be safe"s. I will go home to an empty house. I will sleep in an empty bed.

I will live with my cell phone attached to my hip. My computer will be on more than it will be off. Skype will never be a program that I 'quit' on my computer.

I will send letters and packages. I will take a thousand pictures.

I will miss him like crazy.

I will never stop loving and supporting him.

I will welcome him home.

I may be a complete mess for the next 12 months. But,  I will survive.

So, now you see the "up and down" of my thoughts.

I may not be back for a few days. But, rest assured that I will be spending that time hugging, kissing, loving, and cuddling my husband.