Leave it to the Army...

Just when I thought things might be getting better/slightly easier around here, the Army steps in and screws everything up. Isn't that the way it always goes, though?

Move to Hawaii - husband deploys.

9 months pregnant - husband in WLC until the weekend before induction.

Adjusting to life with a newborn - husband works crazy hours.

Buy a house - husband in the field the week of closing.

7 months pregnant (and TIRED) - husband in the field all week, again.

And the most recent:

1 month old colicky baby - husband TDY for 5 weeks.

Oh, and it gets better: he wasn't even supposed to be on this mission. The guy he's replacing basically went to his doctor to get a note stating he couldn't go. (To be fair, he is having a procedure done, but it wasn't scheduled to take place until after the mission.) So all this time we've been thinking Joe would be on mock rear-d (you know, because it's not a deployment), instead of on this mission with a sub-par NCOIC. So he's going to be across the country, in the field, and miserable. Meanwhile, I'm here. With the kids - a colicky baby, and a tantrum-throwing, hunger-striking toddler. 


Not only was he not even supposed to go, we found out less than a week ago. So I haven't even had the time to mentally or emotionally prepare for him being gone. Let's face it - I'm one month postpartum, and those hormones are still slightly screwy. Toss in some sleep deprivation and a baby who wants to do nothing more than scream or nurse, and yeah.... I haven't handled this very well.

I'm mad. Mostly at the guy who copped out of going, partially at the "powers that be" since there is no one else to fill this guy's spot. And if I'm being honest...I'm kind of mad that God would let this happen. I've had a difficult enough time handling Millie and Charlotte by myself during the day. Knowing that I'll have help after 5 or 6pm is all that gets me through some days. Now? Nada. All mama, all the time.

This sight alone just makes me mad and overwhelmed.

Listen, I know it's only 5 weeks and in the grand scheme of things, 5 weeks is nothing. But really? I just don't know if I can handle it. Unless you've had a colicky baby, I'm not sure you can understand my worries. It's different - completely different. It wears on you like nothing else ever could. I only thought I had a tough time with Charlotte when Joe went back to work. Looking back now, that was a cake-walk. Of course, having a toddler only compounds the frustration when your colicky baby is screaming in your ear. So that makes a big difference too. 

I love my girls, but it's been tough. Joe has been an amazing help since Millie was born (not that he's ever been less than helpful), and I'm just worried. Worried that I'll lose it. Worried that either one of the girls won't get all the attention they need. (More worried about Charlotte in that regard, because 1) she's a daddy's girl, and 2) she feels things - like the lack of attention - so intensely.) Worried about the lack of sleep, and help in the middle of the night. 

I foresee lots of this happening, just to make the crying stop.
Because it's gonna happen.

I just don't know, guys. Joe's grandparents have graciously offered to let us stay with them in NC for a while, and I am seriously considering it. I know it will be almost equally difficult to be in someone else's house, but I'm not sure I can go the whole 5 weeks without any help.

So, if you think about it, say some prayers for the 4 of us. We're gonna need all we can get.


Let's Chat

Warning: This post is slightly rambly. But please stick around, because I wanna chat with you!

I'm pretty sure that my last post was Millie's birth story. She was born one month ago now. 

First of all - that's craziness. It's easy to forget in the middle of a hard day that the days are long, but the weeks go by quickly. Second...adjusting to having this baby girl has been difficult. Some of the hardest days and nights have been had since she's been born. I thought that adjusting to having Charlotte was difficult, but I was oh-so wrong.

Just adjusting to having 2 kids has been hard enough, but we also get "help" in the difficult department from the dreaded colic. If you follow me on Twitter, you've seen my "up all night and crying all day" tweets. It's been really hard, you guys. So much harder than I ever thought it would be. Colic basically means I have a cranky baby more hours of the day than not. Not only is she cranky, but holding her doesn't guarantee that she will stop crying. Most of the time, she ends up screaming in my face. To be honest, there's only so much of that I can handle. It sucks.

I know it's not her fault. I know that. It doesn't make it any easier, though. I wish it did! 

Part of me feels incredibly guilty for complaining about her being up all night or not sleeping during the day. I mean...I wanted this baby, right? For crying out loud, she's my rainbow baby! The one I should be extra thankful to have after having a miscarriage last year. Right?

Yeah...about that. I read something posted by Diana Stone a few weeks ago, about parenting after the loss of a child. It was dead-on how I feel. (You should really go read that before you continue here.) Just because I lost a baby doesn't make parenting the babies I have any easier. Maybe I should be thankful for my girls - trust me, I am. But loss doesn't make me thankful for sleepless nights, though countless others would welcome them. Loss doesn't make me thankful for toddler meltdowns while I'm nursing the baby. Loss makes me appreciate life more, for sure. And in reality, I should be thankful for all I've got anyway, because that's what God wants from me. 

I also know, though, that God knows where I'm at right now. After all, He did give this to me - this baby, this situation. He knows what's going on. I think it's okay for me to not be thankful for the OMG-I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out moments. I think it's okay to not be thankful for colic; but to be thankful for the baby that has the colic. And yeah, she is pretty cute - when she's sleeping. ;-)

Sorry for rambling. This is just what has been rolling around in my head recently. 

So, let's chat: Did/do you have a baby with colic? How did you survive? If you have more than one kiddo, what was the hardest adjustment: 0-1, 1-2, 2-+? I'm curious!