8.08.2018

When Your Kid is...Different

 Over the past 6 months or so, we questioned whether or not Millie might have some differences that weren't just "normal kid" stuff. It was a slow progression from reading up on different parenting strategies (because nothing was working or even helping) to reading symptoms about other - treatable - issues. Joe would hear something on the radio or a podcast and tell me how it made him wonder the same about Millie. Or I would randomly come across an article and it would make me consider how it might fit Millie. Not that anything is really remarkably different about her....just little things here and there that add up when they're all put together.


One of the things I came across one day was about ADHD. I don't even remember the name of the article or website. All I remember was that Millie fit almost every single thing:



  • Makes careless mistakes
  • Doesn't seem to listen when spoken to
  • Difficulty in sustaining attention during tasks or play
  • Difficulty organizing tasks/activities (for Millie, this is cleaning a room)
  • Avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in activities that require sustained mental effort
  • Loses things necessary for tasks/activities (Millie has lost both of the lovies she had as a baby, but still "needs" for sleep and comfort)
  • Easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
  • Often forgetful in daily activities
  • Often leaves seat when sitting is expected
  • Often runs or climbs where inappropriate 
  • Often unable to play or engage in leisure activities quietly (what IS quiet anymore?!)
  • Often "on the go"; unable to remain still
  • Talks excessively
  • Blurts out answers before the question is finished
  • Difficulty waiting and/or taking turns 
  • Often interrupts or intrudes on others
There are different types of ADHD -- inattentive (formerly called ADD), hyperactive, and combined. After reading these and doing a bit more research, I decided to talk to our pediatrician about it. Both Millie and Abigail were due for well-checks, so I figured it was good timing. The day I took them was actually perfect. As I was talking to the doctor, Millie was moving around, unable to sit still, flopping back and forth, and then jumping off the small chair in the room (despite me asking her to stop about a dozen times). She said even though she'd been in the room just a little while with us, she could see what I was talking about. She gave me some forms to fill out for an evaluation, and we made an appointment with their counselor. Thanks be to God, they had an appointment available for THE NEXT DAY. It was nothing short of a miracle because she's booked up pretty quickly.

At the evaluation, the counselor asked me a million and one questions. I was prepared for some of them, while others had me really thinking and evaluating her behavior. Things that I thought were normal....weren't really. It threw me for a bit of a loop. After the barrage of questions and looking at the forms we'd filled out, our counselor/therapist diagnosed Millie with ADHD Combined and Sensory Processing Disorder. Then we were referred to Occupational Therapy for SPD, and back to the pediatrician to discuss medication (if we wanted).

Since the ADHD was at least partially expected, it was the SPD that threw me for a bit of a loop. Hearing the therapist talk about it made it make sense, and it surprised me that it had never occurred to me before that day. I knew she was sensitive to certain sounds. I knew she jumped on (or off of) all the things constantly. That's the reason she got a trampoline for her birthday from one of the grandparents! I knew she didn't like to be up high or held upside down. I knew she didn't like crowds. I knew she hated fireworks and thunder. I knew she struggled with getting her hair and face washed. I knew all of these things, yet I never put it together. 




When we took her for the OT evaluation, even more things came up. That is what they do, but some things I hadn't realized weren't normal. They were also able to confirm that she has a delay in her fine motor skills. Because she never wanted to sit down with me/us and learn (and couldn't stay focused) I never pushed it. I figured it was one of those things that would happen eventually, when she was ready. Except then she was nearly 5 and still not doing any of the things Charlotte (and most kids) could at this age. Honestly, that was a really hard pill for me to swallow.

It turns out, though, that as difficult as dealing with all of this is it's helped me to give her more grace. It's still hard and I still lose it sometimes when she's quite literally bouncing off the walls, yelling, squealing, or crying because she can't do a certain task. But it's made it easier for me to understand WHY this is happening and that she really isn't doing it on purpose. She's not trying to make things difficult for me, but things are most certainly difficult for her. 

ADHD effects the frontal lobe -- the decision making part of our brains. She quite literally can't think it through sometimes. She does things she knows she's not supposed to because her body is moving faster than her brain (not the other way around). She says everything (and I do mean everything) that pops into her little head because her brain doesn't have that filter. Sure this is common with kids, but when they start talking about something completely unrelated to the conversation or situation...it's obvious. There's so much more to it, too. Many people (including me, before doing research) have serious misconceptions about ADHD. The only problem with those misconceptions is that people believe that ADHD isn't "a thing," and is being overdiagnosed because of lazy parents. THAT is simply false. 




SPD often co-occurs with ADHD. SPD is another issue in the brain with the processing of all of the sensory input we get throughout the day.


Sensory Processing Issues Fact Sheet

We've seen some improvement since she started OT about a month ago. After a couple of weeks, she was already writing better (read: writing at all)! After a lot of deliberation, we also decided to try out some medication for her ADHD. It can kind of fill in the gaps where her neurotransmitters aren't working as they should. I've seen a HUGE improvement in her focus, listening ability, and memory recall. Even her OT mentioned it during therapy about 2 weeks ago! That was enough for me to feel better about giving it to her, even though it feels a little scary at times. 

It's been a wild ride the last couple of months. I'm grateful we have answers, and that all that we're learning is going to help her in the long run. It's definitely a marathon, though, and I'm already tired. Ha! 

I think the hardest part has really been talking to people about it. Medical professionals...fine. But people I know (other than Joe and my best friend, Melissa...:)) is really hard. Honestly, it's because of those stigmas and misconceptions people have about ADHD, and because SPD isn't really well-known unless you or someone in your family has it. It makes me feel like people are going to look at her a different way, or treat her differently because they see "something wrong" with her. There really isn't anything wrong. She was just built differently. Truth be told, I can look back at her infancy and see signs of SPD (if nothing else). She's always been different. She probably always will be different. And that's okay, because there's nothing wrong with being different.