Don't Hate, Advocate

I suppose this is sort of a follow up to my last post, though I never really intended to follow up on it. Yet again, I am unpleasantly surprised by people. 

Everyone has an opinion about something, and these days everyone has an opinion about everyone else. When it comes to parenting? We have extra opinions. I suppose it's because we think that what we're doing is the best thing ever, for everyone. While whatever decision you're passionate about may be the best thing for your family it may be the worst decision for someone else's family. Or heck, it may not even be possible at all. 

Yesterday, a good blogger friend of mine posted about her recent experience with a breastfeeding group. Ya'll, I was blown away. I still am, in fact. (If you want to take a moment and click over, I'll understand.)  

I'm going to admit something that will probably make some people upset: I have a knee-jerk reaction to bottle feeders, too. There is a small part of me that cringes every time I see a baby with a bottle in his/her mouth. Mostly it's because I don't understand why on earth someone wouldn't want to breastfeed their baby. I'll spare you the inner-monologue I have every time, because it's not really worth it. Because in the end I know that there are many factors that go into a mom's - a family's - decision to not breastfeed. Maybe she couldn't nurse and pumps instead, maybe she couldn't produce milk at all, maybe the baby is adopted, maybe she was on necessary medication that would harm the baby if she were to breastfeed, or maybe she had DMER and the very thought of nursing again made her ill. There are any number of reasons. Unless we know the person, we'll never know the reasons. And all of this just made me wonder....what's the point?

By somehow taking offense at the fact that some people feed their kids with bottles, what are we hoping to gain? By bashing women - moms - who bottle feed, what exactly is our goal? To make them feel bad? To educate? To make them want to breastfeed? How is this helping?

If you've been following me anytime during the last 3 years you know I'm nothing if not an advocate for breastfeeding. I think breastfeeding is awesome and you'll never convince me otherwise. I think it's the best food for baby (because, hello, it was designed to be!) and I think the health benefits for moms are awesome, too. Is it hard? Heck yeah. It takes a lot of time and effort in the beginning, and sometimes a lot of pain, too. But more often than not, it's totally worth it and for many, many reasons. That's why I think waiting until you're past the newborn stage to call it quits on breastfeeding, but again, that's my personal opinion.

Before I had babies - like way before - I was pretty determined to not breastfeed. I thought it was weird, and why the heck would I want to share my body after I'd just grown a person for 9 months?! I'd also never been exposed to breastfeeding...ever. My brother and I were bottle-fed, the babies I watched were bottle-fed, my mom's friends bottle-fed their babies, and the list continues. Of course I thought it was weird!

Thankfully, some friends and my SIL were there later on to share the benefits of breastfeeding with me and my whole view changed. Now, I find it important to try and bring some sort of education to people about breastfeeding -- why it isn't weird or gross, why it's beneficial for moms and babies, etc. But here's the thing: 

If we look down our noses at women/families 

who choose to bottle-feed, we'll never succeed 

in our goal to make breastfeeding normal.

Who will want to breastfeed when they think that all women who do so are just a bunch of snobby, rude know-it-alls? Who will want to breastfeed when they know that if they turn to a bottle for any reason, the nursing mama masses will crucify them? Who will stand beside the nursing moms when someone calls us out for nursing in public without a cover?

We can't make a difference in normalizing breastfeeding, or breastfeeding education with this 'anti-bottle' mentality. We just can't. You can't reach people with that kind of nastiness. When it comes to parenting, we need to just leave each other alone. You don't live in that person's house; you don't know what their life is like. You can't judge their motives from the outside.

So moms, let's just stop. Just say 'NO' to the temptation of bashing, name-calling, hate-mongering, fear-mongering, or whatever. It's not helping you, and it's most certainly not helping anyone else. You think breastfeeding is awesome? That's great. Tell them how awesome you think it is, and why. You think bottle feeding is the best thing since sliced bread? Fantastic! Tell them why it's great for you. Then proceed to trade epic blow-out stories, or share in the woes of sleepless nights. 

We're all just doing the best we can for our babes. 

It's time we recognize that in the faces of others, too.

You're Doing it Wrong

Thus sayeth the so-called Mommy Wars. 

Do something that the attachment parenting know-it-alls think is wrong, and they'll crucify you...online. Hiding behind veils of perceived anonymity and nasty words, they'll tell you that you're - for all intents and purposes - torturing your child. 

Proclaim that breastfeeding is the healthiest option for babies, and bottle-feeders will be ready to decry that you're judging them for making a personal decision. Never mind that you yourself once considered it...and were also bottle-fed as an infant. Those facts don't matter. You're clearly judging them because you disagree with their choice. 

Things like this make me want to throw my computer across the room and never pick it up again. 

Last week, I responded to a mom's post in a group I'm in on FB. She had asked some questions about Babywise and I replied with my experiences. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it certainly did not warrant the responses I received.

Babywise is ABUSE and TORTURE. Period.

Babywise is the one book the FDA warns against...

...babies starve in silence...

...a baby who is always content is worrisome.

Sorry, guys, but YOU do not know MY kids. Why are they so content as babies? (With the exception of colic...whew.) Because I make sure they get plenty of rest and nurse enough. That's it, plain and simple. Isn't that what everyone else does? I thought it was.... Apparently I was wrong.

A few days ago I commented on someone's status... I felt like it was baiting a little, but I commented anyway. Rookie mistake. The woman said something like "I'm going to write a post about bottle feeding. I could barely stand to breast feed my babies for 2 months and HAD to switch to formula. It was the best thing for both of us." {I hope it's obvious I'm paraphrasing here.} So I commented. 

I wanted to let her know that the first 2 months of breastfeeding is hard for everyone. Either your nipples hurt so badly you wish they'd just fall off already, or your baby is attached to you 24/7 and you feel like a cow. (At least those were my experiences.) But if you push through those parts, it can really be awesome! It was breastfeeding and having those sweet moments with Millie that kept me sane because that was the only time she wasn't screaming. Since we have the option these days, I get that how you choose to feed your child is super-personal. Even so, no one will be able to convince me that formula is healthier than mama milk. 

Cue the bottle-feeding judgy mamas. 

Great for you, but don't judge me for choosing a safe option.

I can still bond with my child while bottle feeding!

I still love my child.

The "breast is best" thing is great if you can manage it, but don't

bully or shame me for giving up!

My comment eventually got deleted because I didn't 100% agree with the author's point of view. How's THAT for acceptance for everyone's decision?! There were other, far more heated comments, but that's not the point. Obviously I should have known enough to not comment on a post like this, but sometimes I can't help myself. I'm sure that's happened to any number of you.

My point is this: in this day and age where we have options - and many of them - there is no right choice. Make one comment, one post, one observation and the masses who think or choose differently will be right there to make sure you know you're wrong. Because if you don't do it their way, you are clearly wrong and stupid. You're hurting your child, don't you know it!? 

To them...

A crib = baby jail

Letting your child cry in bed for 5-20 mins = child abuse

Bottle-feeding = giving your child poison

Breastfeeding in public = flashing your boobs to the masses

Scheduling your baby's naps and feedings = torture

Here's what I think:

You make choices for you and your baby and I'll make choices for mine. 

You're awesome. 

I'm awesome. 

Our kids are the most perfect human beings ever.

We rock. 

Being a mom is hard enough without having the entire world scrutinize and judge your every decision.

P.S. Don't forget to check out my giveaway for some great kids' books! Ends on Wednesday!

All Things New: New Year, New House, New Town

Here we are. 2015. Anyone else clueless as to where the last year went? I swear I just had a newborn a few weeks ago....not a baby who just turned 1. (Still can't get used to that!)

2014 was not the best year for me. I feel like I struggled my way through most of it. The difficulties weren't just any one thing, but all of it combined. It wasn't just that I had 2 under 2, or that my sweet baby had colic, or that my hubs was gone for a month of that mess, or the ice storm, or that I finally recognized the symptoms of PPD. (And that was just the first 3 months!) A whole lot more happened, too -- not all of it bad. It just seems like the year as a whole was difficult.

And right in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, Joe got orders. So, hey! We're moving! I'm really not excited about it, but I'm really trying to have a better attitude about it. Although I will miss where we live now (seriously in love with this area), and hate being forced to move and rent out our house, I know good things will come of this, too. There are always good things about moving -- a new house to decorate, potential for new friends, a new area to explore (hello, Savannah!), and who knows what else. 

So in an attempt to have a better attitude about all of this.....I've set some goals for myself for this year. And yes, I joined the #olw (One Little Word) bandwagon, too.

I know that several of my goals for the year can be accomplished within the first couple of months, but I'm trying to go easy on myself here. ;-) It took us forever to unpack when we moved in to this house, and we just had Charlotte then. (Although I was pregnant at the time.) I really have no clue how I'm going to handle the girls with the movers coming next week, (!!!) so I feel pretty sure that unpacking is going to be a slooooow process. I've also been extremely stressed about moving out/moving in/finding renters, so "survive PCSing" is an extremely legitimate goal for the year. I won't lie: I have considered begging my doctor for some anxiety meds. It's been that tough. But I also have a tendency to fixate.....so..... Yeah.

Once we're all settled in, I really need to set up a routine. I'd like to do some 'tot school' things with Charlotte, get her fully potty trained (seeing the light at the end of the tunnel there, though!), and also start working out again. I hate to admit it, but I haven't lost anything since Millie was born. *gulp* I was so snowed under with her colic and my PPD and everything else that I just couldn't even think about it for a while. And then....habits were habits and....yeah. So, routine goals: homeschool stuff for Charlotte, working out, and daily quiet time.

My meet neighbors & try MOPS/PWOC goals stem from my one little word for the year. 

Okay, I guess that is technically a phrase. It's still applicable. 

I am nothing if not an introvert. I hate large social situations, especially those where I don't know anyone. I tend to either clam up when I meet new people or (and I'm not sure which is worse) blurt out random things...and then feel extremely awkward for the rest of the event. I've gotten better over the years (and moves), but it's still very hard for me. This is probably part of the reason that I'm leaving this place with zero friends. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration; I have friends. However I don't have the come-over-to-my-messy-house-and-say-nothing-and-just-hang-out friends here. Nope. 

Anyway, so BE BRAVE -- in order to actually make friends, I'm going to have to get out of my comfort zone (read: my house). I'm going to have to make plans, invite people over, be uncomfortable, be honest, and be real. It's not easy. 

No matter what my fears, if I'm going to step out of this funk - if I want to make any friends - I've got to be courageous. I love the definition there -- not deterred by danger or pain. There may not be any real, physical danger in putting yourself out there and attempting to make friends, but there is a certain...emotional danger. And there is definitely pain in rejection of any form. 

And as far as my Jamberry business is concerned, I'm not going to make any progress or meet any of the goals I have if I just play it safe. I'm going to have to step out, take chances, and try new things. I know I haven't talked about Jamberry just a whole ton here (and to be honest, it's probably part of the reason I haven't blogged much in the last few months), but I really love it. I haven't done all that fantastically in the last few months, but I think it's more to do with me not getting out of my comfort zone as much as I need to.

So clearly, Be Brave is definitely the key for me this year. Be brave in business, in friends, and in trusting God. {Because, let's face it, that's probably the root of a lot of my problems. Namely my bent on worrying about ev-er-y-thing.}

So what's your #olw (One Little Word) or phrase for the year? Here's hoping for a much better 2015 for all of you, too, friends!

Reboot

In my last post {which was basically a bajillion years ago...about that} I mentioned this whole, up-in-the-air PCS business. For the past several months my mind has been preoccupied with this situation. Mostly, I've been in denial that it's happening. Somewhere along the way I got attached to this place - this house, this area, this town. I'm not sure why, or how, or when it happened. But at some point, this place began to feel like home and the idea of leaving wasn't something I could handle. 

In the past, when it's come time for us to move, I've been ready. When I moved to be with Joe during his training, I was just ready for us to be together again - it didn't really matter where it was. When he got orders to Hawaii, I was beyond thrilled to have the opportunity to live there (and you know, SEE Hawaii!) even if it meant leaving family. Our time there turned out to be much different than I had ever imagined, but I still wouldn't trade it. When it came time to leave Hawaii and come back to GA, I was ready. Hesitant to say goodbye to the place where I became a mom (and earned my milspouse stripes), I was still ready for the next thing. When word came that we would be moving early next year....even I was surprised at my extreme desire to stay here. (Though I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we bought a house here, because of Joe's plans to ETS.)

Until this weekend, I wasn't ready to go.

I had a girls' night planned for this party Friday evening. I invited everyone I could think of that I know here. (And even a few people I didn't! Hello, outside my comfort zone.) I had even decided to set up my Jamberry stuff so that we could have fun and do our nails. (And, okay, I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope to get some sales or bookings out of it.) But really, I wanted to have friends over. I think I let myself believe (somehow) that if I had real friends here, that if I was doing something in my community - making a difference, making connections - that God wouldn't make me leave. (...I don't even know....)

I spent the entire day prepping. I had Joe help me do some cleaning the night before, but with 2 kiddos I had more to do that day, too. I cooked, I cleaned, I even ran out to get a few more things - with both kids, on a cold, cloudy day that I would have much rather been cuddling on the couch with them! They were cranky because I was busy all day. I was cranky because they were cranky. Then I get a text from Joe saying his supervisors (powers that be, whoever they are) were making them stay late. Meaning I'd somehow have to get the kids to bed myself before the party started. EEEEEK! Hello, more stress. Miraculously, he arrived home just as I was feeding a very cranky Millie. I put Charlotte to bed while Joe scarfed down a quick dinner. She's been fussy with her bedtime routine lately, so I didn't notice the time when I put her down. 

10 minutes after party time and no one had arrived. 

I checked my phone to find a last-minute cancellation. Texted another girl who had been a 'maybe'.

15 minutes.

20 minutes.

I cried. I cleaned up my supplies. Put the food away. 

Cried some more while my husband tried to cheer me. 

Texted my bestie a few times. 

Don't know what I'd do without those 2. ^

I know if a few friends had been available, they would have been here. A couple were out of town, another had a previous engagement, just bad timing for a couple others. 

But in the end it left me feeling.....unloved, I guess. Not because of the Jamberry/sales thing. Jamberry isn't my/our livelihood. I do it because I enjoy it, and the product. No, it upset me because it made me realize what few real friends I've made here. 

I don't think anyone is to blame, really. I've put myself out there - going to PWOC every week I've been able. We were in small group at our church for a while, but it fizzled out due to crazy schedules. The 2 people I was closest to (and who helped me many times while Joe was TDY back in February) have since moved. I keep in touch with one of them, but it's not the same as having someone come sit on your couch. I know I'm introverted (and incredibly awkward in social situations pretty frequently), which is why I've tried as much as I can. 

Now? 

I think I'm ready to move on - to 'reboot' and start new somewhere else. I love our house, this town, and our church.... But these aren't things to hold on to. Yes, finding someone to rent our house (and dealing with all that comes with renting) will be a hassle. No, I may not like another town as much as this one. No, finding a new church won't be easy (it never is). But why should these things matter?

Right now I'm realizing that as long as I have my family and Jesus, I've got all that really matters. And when it comes right down to it, as long as I've got the love of Jesus I'm getting far more than I ever deserve. So my husband and kids are even more blessings, which is why I tried to spend the rest of the weekend focusing on them instead of trying to hold on to something not worthwhile. 

My goal for this week is to just focus on Jesus, my family, and spending some time with my much-neglected sewing machine. I'm hoping to list a few fun things in my Etsy shop soon, if any one is interested. 

Here's to refocusing, readjusting, and rebooting life -- all thanks to God's daily, fresh mercies.

8 Months of Millie

Geez, you guys. How is my itty bitty baby already 8 months old? How is she sitting up, babbling, and crawling. Like...when did this happen?! Where did my squishy newborn go?!

I can't believe it's gone so fast. The first few months of her little life were not easy, that's for sure. And I know there were days I longed for us to be at this place already. But somewhere between the "someone save me" days and the "I think we're doing okay" days, time sped up and here we are.

Bam. Just like that - 8 months old. Although I miss her squishy little newborn self, I absolutely love seeing her little personality come out. She is too much fun! She's quite a bit more reserved than Charlotte is, but sometimes I think that's just because she's watching Charlotte. When it's just her and I in the afternoon (while big sis is sleeping), she does tend to be pretty vocal.

She is giggly, but only when she wants to be. Which is usually when she's one-on-one with me or Joe. It's really hard to get a giggle out of her if she's got everyone's attention. Sometimes I think she's going to be a little more like me, in that she kind of needs time to come around to new people/situations. She also doesn't like to be held 24/7 - she needs her space.

She's been sitting like a champ for....a while now. I have no idea when she actually started being able to sit up on her own. I was propping her up with the boppy for a while...and then I noticed she was sort of sitting up in the bouncy seat one day. And then I just kind of sat her on the couch after feeding her, and....what do you know? She could sit up! So much different than with Charlotte, haha! Funny how you stress less over these things with the second baby.

She's also doing things like this now - sitting up in bed, playing, waiting for me to get her up from a nap. And sometimes she'll do something crazy like pull up on her knees. Stop it, kid. I'm not ready for that just yet.

Oh, and? She crawls now. It was fun to see her learn to do this. I don't really remember when Charlotte learned how to crawl. With her, it was like one day she'd just lay on her tummy on the floor, and the next she was crawling. Millie, however, would get up on all fours, rock, and then launch herself. Then, she'd end up sort of scooting backward. Last week, she started sort of crawling. She'd get her knees under her, put one forward, and then fall down. (It was kind of funny....ha!) And then, this past weekend something just clicked and she was off! It's been so fun to see her get mobile, although I will admit I have to keep a closer eye on her and other things now.

One of my most favorite things is seeing how the bond between my two girlies has grown and changed. It's not always easy or fun (for me or them), but they love each other so much already. Charlotte has always been concerned about Millie. When Millie cries, Charlotte has always made sure that she has what she needed. In the beginning, it was me or a pacifier, then Charlotte started bringing her all of her toys. And now, Charlotte will pat her on the back, and give her a hug and a kiss. Millie loves playing with Charlotte. She has always been able to get the biggest smiles out of Millie. And now that they can play together, she is all kinds of happy!

Of course, it doesn't always go well... Sometimes Charlotte will take a toy from Millie, or Millie will pull Charlotte's hair or something. But that's really just part of it. Now that Millie is mobile, I feel like they are closer. They can play together, sit in the floor and watch cartoons, have a tea party... You name it. It's really one of the sweetest things ever.

I wasn't sure if we'd ever be able to adjust to having two babies there in the beginning.... And now? Well, I'm not sure what we'd be doing without this cute, smiley baby!

We love you, sweet Millie-girl! I hope you're always as sweet and happy as you are now. :*

Brave: Battles Within

For a while now, I've been contemplating how I should approach this subject and if I should even post about it. It's very personal, so it's hard to talk about even though it has affected every part of my life. Since I try to be open about my life on here, I feel like it's something that needs to be shared...and, as always, it's my hope that sharing will help someone else in the process.

Before I go any further, I want to say this: If you read this and think, "I never knew; why didn't you say anything to me about this?" know that it's not because of you. It's because of me.

Many of you know that Joe went to NTC this past February. Millie was still brand new, and we had just discovered she had colic and reflux. Add a toddler to that mix, and I was beyond overwhelmed. Before he even left, I had anxiety about the 5 weeks I'd be alone. The first day he was gone (true to Murphy's Law), I all but had a breakdown. I'm not sure I've ever cried more in the span of 12 hours than I did that day, just from anxiety.The entire time he was gone, it was one thing after another. I took Millie to the pediatrician at least twice. All of us caught a cold. Then there was the ice storm, which resulted in a 72 hour power outage. The first night we were back in the house, there was an earthquake. (No, really.) Millie was barely sleeping at night, and Charlotte was...being a typical toddler. 

I was the epitome of exhausted. I didn't want to do anything but sleep. But then I also had a hard time getting to sleep. I would hear Millie grunting over the monitor, and my heart would pound because I just knew she was going to wake up and need to be fed. If she didn't wake up, I had a hard time going back to sleep. When she did wake in the middle of the night, it took forever to get her back to sleep. Some nights, I had thoughts that would terrify anyone. I was inexplicably angry.

During those 5 weeks, I assumed the feelings I had were because I had a toddler, a colicky newborn, and was doing it all alone. Sure, I had been able to get friends to come over and watch them when I went to get groceries, but the rest? That was all me. I figured that it was a combination of hormones and exhaustion. I reassured myself that once Joe came home, all would be well again.

Well, he did come home. We survived, although I'm still not sure how. That time is a complete blur. (With the exception of that stupid ice storm. I may never forget that one.) And yeah, things did get a little bit better. I had some help! Help getting them fed, bathed, and in bed. But at the same time...things weren't all that much better. I still didn't want to do anything but sleep. I rarely posted on my blog, or anywhere on social media. I just...didn't. Which is kind of rare for me. The inexplicable anger was still there, too. 

It wasn't until Joe started asking me, "what's wrong?" that I started noticing something was going on. It wasn't until I realized I was angry at Joe for no apparent reason that I started to think I might need help. It wasn't until I lost it with Charlotte that I truly recognized the problem.  

Like any good blogger, I headed for Dr. Google first. I scrolled past a few articles until I found one that looked right. The list of symptoms hit me straight in the stomach. I was at once relieved and scared; hopeful and embarrassed.

Post-partum Depression.

As soon as I read those words, I decided I needed to talk to Joe. He was very supportive, and we agreed that I should call and talk to my doctor. The next day, I put a call in to my OB/GYN. Thankfully, she agreed to call in meds for me and advised me to talk with my PCM.

It's been 4 months since that day. I initially hated the idea of being on medication, but I knew I needed something. And you know what? It helped. Although it does make me sleepy, I can avoid being a walking zombie by taking it at night. No longer do I feel overwhelmed by the simplest things; no longer do I feel inexplicable anger. I don't go from happy to extremely upset in 2.5 seconds anymore. I want to do more than sleep. I want to hang out with my girls and my husband, blog, post photos....all of what I did before. Do I enjoy taking medication? Nope. But I recognize that I need this...for now. There will hopefully come a day when I don't, but until then I'm thankful that it helps me feel more like me.

I've been planning on talking about this for a while, and with all of the 'hype' surrounding Robin William's death... I couldn't stay silent anymore. The entire time I was dealing with this without medication, I was in a deep, dark place. My lack of interest in things I normally enjoy, was like some sort of numbness. I just didn't care. The anger...was terrifying. There were times when I would be rocking Millie, trapped in anger, crying, and praying that God would help me not to be angry. I didn't want to feel the way I did, but I could not control it. 

I've seen so many posts in the last two days on depression that just make me sick. I couldn't control my depression - my anger, my numbness. I desperately, desperately wanted to. I hated the way I felt, the way I acted. I have so much regret for that moment I lost my temper with Charlotte. I didn't hurt her physically, but my actions spoke anything but love to her. For weeks, she reenacted what I said to her in that moment, and I was forced to relive it every time.

No matter what anyone says, depression isn't something you can just get over. I do believe in the power of prayer, and I did pray. But still the feelings lingered. Please don't assume that depression has a simple fix; it doesn't. If you know (or think you know) someone who struggles with depression, just love them and be supportive. Just because you don't understand their struggle doesn't mean it's not real. It's very real, very dark, very personal, and can be hidden from even the closest of friends.

Brave: Accepting Myself

It's probably no surprise to anyone when I say that I often struggle with the way my post-baby body looks. (Doesn't everyone?!) Truth be told, it's not even the stretch marks that bother me. I've come to accept those as loving little reminders of what my body is capable of doing - growing, birthing, and nurturing my babies. No, my problem is with the 15+ pounds my body has been hanging onto. 

Some women lose the pounds like crazy while breastfeeding. Other women, like me, lose a bunch in the first few weeks and then plateau. Sure, there are things I could (and probably should) do to help lose it. But more often than not, I find myself thinking "Oh, I should have done some yoga/pilates/exercise!" as I'm stepping into the shower. I know it should probably be more of a priority (as should eating better), but it's always a struggle for me. 

Right now, though, I've decided that my babies need my presence more than I need to lose 15 pounds. Millie needs my milk (which can change when you change your diet drastically) and cuddles, and Charlotte needs my full focus. It helps Joe more if he comes home to a mostly clean house than it does if I've played with the kids, worked on Jamberry, and worked out, but didn't do much else. So right now? I need to accept the way I look, even if it's hard.

After working through all of that in my brain, I decided that I was going to buy a bikini to wear to the beach this year. It's been years since I've even thought about purchasing one, so this was a pretty big deal. The current fashion trends made it easier for me, thank heavens. 

I finally found one I liked, and I ordered it, dang it. Because you know what? I may not be 125 pounds anymore. I may have stretch marks. I may have some cellulite, and bumps and bruises. But my body is still awesome. My husband seems to think so. My girls think so. More importantly, my Creator thinks I'm beautiful - who am I to disagree with Him?!  

I have birthed and nursed 2 babies - my body can do awesome things! It's time to accept it, and get over what anyone else might think. It's about me and what I'm comfortable with, not them.

I will say that I still had some nerves about how I looked when we were at the beach a couple weeks ago. (Sheesh, I can't believe 2 weeks has gone by already!) But when I look at the pictures we took? I don't feel bad about myself. And that, my friends, is worth far more than I paid for that swim suit. :)

I think there is something to be said for being comfortable with the way you are right now, even if it isn't where you want to be. Because I do want to lose those extra pounds, but I don't want to do it if it means sacrificing the quality of my breast milk (I often wonder if this happened when Charlotte was a baby) or time with my littles.

I've always struggled with body issues, even when I was thin. I don't actually ever remember thinking that I was thin, actually. I can look back now, though, and wonder how I didn't recognize it. Anyway, I know that one day I'll be where I want to be and then my kids will probably be bigger and I'll be wishing they were smaller again. ;-) 

So I guess that's why I decided that I was going to be brave, put on that bikini, and not be ashamed of the way my body looks, even though it isn't our culture's definition of beauty. Why do they get to decide what's beautiful and what isn't, anyway?

Little Miss Millie

Time with this girl has been a bit of a paradox. The first two (ish) months seemed to crawl by. Once we conquered colic and got a decent nap routine going (and daddy came back), it seems like time has just flown! Now, all of a sudden, she's trying to sit up, blowing raspberries at us, rolling over, and all sorts of things. How did this happen!?

Seriously, though, this girl is one big bundle of cute. Looking back at pictures, she looks almost identical to Charlotte. Except for those squishy cheeks and rolly thighs. But OMG I love them!

I have no idea how long she is, or how much she weighs. Her 6 month checkup is next week, and I'm looking forward to it! (Minus the shots, of course. Hate those.) That said, she's very solidly in 6 month clothes. 3 month dresses still fit, but I'm pretty sure that's just because they're dresses. I put her in a pair of 9 month sleepers the other day....and, um, they kinda fit. Ack! She's not quite long enough for them yet, but....it does work. *sigh* We also just started putting her in size 3 diapers. Let me share something real quick: Charlotte is in SIZE 4 diapers. Let that one sink in a minute, okay?

Alright. Now, moving on.

This little miss is a champion nurser! She eats every 3-4 hours now, and takes good naps in between. (Hallelujah, praise the Lord!) We just started trying some oatmeal a few days ago, and it's going pretty well so far. She's been sleeping through the night for about a month or two now, and I am immensely enjoying a full night's sleep! Occasionally she will wake up in the middle of the night, but it's usually because she's rolled over in her sleep and woken herself up. I'm just thankful we've said goodbye to those 2am feedings. Mama needs rest, y'all.

Here we have one of Millie-girl's favorite pass-times: finger sucking. Mostly, it signifies a need for sleep. However, she will also shove those things in her mouth super quick-like if she's really hungry. It's pretty funny when I'm getting ready to feed her, but I'm not quick enough for her liking and she shoves her fingers in her mouth instead. LOL! 

Another favorite activity: toe-nomming. ;-) She can be found doing this anytime she's in an upright position and no toys are available to chew on. 

The rest of the time, she's usually chilling out and watching her big sister do any number of silly things. She loves the exersaucer, and tolerates the door jumper. During tummy time, she tries to get her knees up under her, and will rock back and forth for a few seconds. Or she'll roll over. She will chew on anything she can get into her mouth, including Mommy's hair. 

She will blow raspberries during feedings, after feedings, when she's upset, when she's happy, and when she has something to say. Basically? This is the coolest sound ever! Also, as you can see in the picture, she randomly spits up. :P But she has pretty blue eyes and a silly, sweet smile, so we overlook that little tidbit. 

It's hard to believe this little girl has been a part of our family for a whopping 6 months now. Even crazier is the thought that she'll be 1 by the end of this year! The first few months of her life were incredibly challenging, but I don't know what I'd do without this sweetie-pea. She brings a little extra sweetness to our lives that I just didn't know was missing before. 

I love every single ounce of this baby, and I can't get enough of her sweet smiles, giggles, raspberries, and squishy cheeks!!

Breastfeeding the Second Baby

If you've been following my blog for a while, you know that I had a really rough start with breastfeeding Charlotte. Looking back I feel like she was probably lip tied and we just never caught it. Anyway, we struggled for a while, and it was pretty painful to say the least. So naturally when Millie came along I was preparing for the same thing. Sure, I had hopes that it would be different this time around, but I really didn't know what to expect. Thankfully, breastfeeding this particular little girl has been fairly easy.

Minutes after she was born, she bobbed her little head over and latched for the very first time. It was an amazing moment. Like my husband always says, it's so incredible how they've been basically "swimming" for 9 months, and then they're born...and they know how to breathe, and suck to feed. Unlike her big sister, Millie needed absolutely no encouragement to nurse. Now that I think of it...she's pretty much never needed encouragement to eat. Haha! Sorry, kiddo. ;-)

My milk came in on Christmas Eve, and Millie thoroughly enjoyed it! I, however, was in pain and leaking everywhere. :P But apparently, that's just the way it is for me. The crazy leaking everywhere and milk letting down at random times only lasted a few weeks this time. With Charlotte it took almost 8 weeks to regulate. Good times.

Yes. That burp cloth was there to catch any extra milk that might leak out. *sigh*

Our only real problem with nursing in the beginning was that after a couple weeks (maybe? It's all fuzzy now), she started doing this weird head shaking thing. She'd pull off, shake her head, cry, latch, and repeat. Eventually I had the sense to Google it, and wound up finding a forum... Turns out she did that when she needed to burp! Who knew? Charlotte always just spit up all over me, so I didn't know what to do with this one. Haha! We constantly battle the big sister distractions, but that's just part of life with more than one kiddo. Both of them are fairly easy to redirect, so it hasn't been a huge problem. 

This is how we dealt with sister distractions in the beginning: 

sitting next to mommy and watching a show.

It's really been nice having such an easy time breastfeeding from the beginning. It did take me a few days to, you know, remember how to breastfeed a newborn, but after it all came back to me it was nice! The first few weeks weren't problem-free, and I often found myself frustrated because she didn't know how to nurse, but I did. Charlotte and I learned how to breastfeed together, so it was interesting to teach a baby how to breastfeed this time. I'm fairly certain I voiced this frustration to my MIL quite a few times during the week she was here after Millie's birth. 

The hands! So sweet.

Once we got the hang of latching (and figuring out that head shaking thing!) and dealing with big sister during feedings, it was a breeze. So different from all of the ups and downs I had learning how to breastfeed Charlotte, and dealing with awfully cracked nipples. I'm thankful, though, because I'm not sure I would have handled that well this time, what with Millie having colic and then Joe off at NTC for 5 weeks.

For a while there at the beginning, I wasn't sure how I would feel nursing another baby. I felt such an intense connection with Charlotte while she was nursing, and I wasn't sure if it would be the same. It turns out the saying about love growing when you have another baby is the same with breastfeeding. ;-) 

Now that Millie is more active while she nurses, I'm enjoying it even more. There's just something precious, innocent, and sweet about little hands touching your face, playing with your hair, kicking feet up in the air, and then putting her hand on your chest as she falls asleep. My favorite feeding of the day is the last one - where she's sleepy and cuddly, and I can just hold her as she nurses, and everyone is asleep but us. (Well, just me, really. She usually sleeps through that feeding.) I remember feeling the same way with Charlotte, and I know that I will miss that feeding when she gives it up...which will probably be soon. Until then, I'll enjoy it and take many more pictures to remember later.