Pangs

There are times when I still feel like a newbie in this military world. The longer we're in it, the more I get introduced to what it's really like. 

I went to the museum today fully expecting the norm. When I got there, D told me that the curator had called in sick. He also told me that he'll be moving to Germany soon. Now, he's not in the military (well, not anymore) so it's not like he's PCSing... Exactly. He's moving for job opportunities, and I don't blame him. If we had the chance to move to Germany, we would too. It's still another "welcome to military life" moment for me though. Of all the people I've met during this deployment, the people from the museum are the only ones I see on an almost-daily basis. I see them 3 days a week, almost every week for 3 hours. That's a considerable amount of time. Though we don't spend much time together outside of "work," I like to think that they're my friends. We share stories about our lives, our pasts, our experiences just like any friends do. We complain about things together, and we look at history every day. Needless to say, I'm a little sad to lose a friend. It's possible we'll come in contact again - I mean, this is the military - but still. I'm not sure I expected this part of the introduction to military life so soon.

After I spent 3 hours at the museum chatting with D, I hit up the PX for a few last minute things before my trip. {Unfortunately, my blood sugar was super low when I went in and I completely spaced on a couple things I needed/wanted. *sigh*} As I was standing in the checkout line, I noticed a Soldier on my left who was paying his bill. And since I'm married and not dead I also noticed he was pretty good looking. In my state of boredom, I began to make up a story for this Soldier's life. Do you ever do that? I do. =P Just as I was thinking how he was going to meet his wife {I didn't see a ring}, I noticed a girl who had been standing behind him. He turned and replied to whatever she had just said and I noticed she was very pretty... I thought, "yeah, they'll probably have really cute kids." And then tears slowly started to cloud my vision. Sometimes the loneliness and sadness hits me at odd times. I think this might be the first time I've almost broken down in the PX. 

Tonight, I've been battling the pre-travel jitters/anxiety. I always get this way before I fly. And if anyone asks me if I'm looking forward to going home, my answer will probably be, "not really." Not because I don't want to go home, it's just that I really don't look forward to spending 16ish hours either stuffed in a plane or sitting in an airport. It's just not my idea of a good time. And then upon landing, there's exhaustion and jet lag. Yaaay. {sarcasm} More than all that, I always feel super guilty leaving Jasper. It's like freaking "mommy guilt." I keep telling Joe that I feel like I have a child, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm nuts. I know he'll be fine and that he'll have a blast with Annie, but I can't help but feel bad about leaving him. Plus, I'll miss him. He's my battle buddy. 

Needless to say, I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I really wish I could get off this ride. How much longer?!

9%. Thank. You. Lord. I can do this...right?

P.S. I'd still like some book recommendations for my trip! Preferably a girly, easy read. =)