Change

The longer I'm a military spouse, the more I think that word should be every branch's motto. (Well, that or "hurry up and wait. Am I right?!)

In the last few months, days, and weeks, I've been told all of the following:

The deployment has been pushed back again.

So-and-so doesn't think this deployment will happen.

The preliminary deployment list came out today. I'm on it.

We're going to be in the field for a week, doing pre-deployment training.

So-and-so doesn't think this deployment will happen.

We found out today where we'll be while we're deployed.

We're going to be in the field for a week, doing pre-deployment training.

So-and-so doesn't think this deployment will happen.

I may be going TDY for a month, starting next week.

You guys. My mind and emotions are reeling from all of this. When Joe deployed right after we got to Hawaii, it was set in stone. Or maybe it just seemed that way. I think there was maybe one day when he told me they'd been back and forth about him actually deploying. But that was it. None of this back-and-forth for weeks. We got there, he was on the deployment list, he packed his bags and left. For a year. Bam. Just like that.

There's still been no 100% official word either way on this upcoming deployment. (We've known about this deployment since early this year!) And then there's this TDY business. I don't even think there's a 100% chance he will actually go TDY - probably more like 50%. 

All of this change and lack of solid plans is killing me. I mean, I know this is the Army we're talking about here, and nothing is "officially official" until you have paperwork in your hands and/or are on a plane somewhere. I know I should probably be used to this by now... I know. But there's this part of me that wants to have control - that wants to know exactly when he's leaving, or if he's leaving at all. And the hardest truth of all?

I've got control over none of it. Nothing.

It's a human/sin nature thing, I suppose - to think that we can have control over our lives. I also think that this is another one of those lessons God's been trying to teach me for a while. Maybe I've just refused to listen, or maybe I just need to relearn it. Either way, it should have come to no surprise to me when this little message was waiting for me in my Bible study earlier this week:

Excerpt from Serving You by Kristen Strong

The Army's plans for Joe - and, consequently, my life - change frequently. But God doesn't change.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. ~ Hebrews 13:8

Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. ~James 1:17

Not only does He not change, but He has better plans for me than I have for me. 

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." ~Jeremiah 29:11

Something even more intriguing:

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps. ~ Proverbs 16:9

I can make all the plans in the world, but ultimately God decides where my feet will land. Because His plans are always best, and only He knows what the future truly holds.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. ~ Isaiah 55:8-9

Remember the things I have done in the past. For I alone am God! I am God, and there is none like me. Only I can tell you the future before it even happens. Everything I plan will come to pass... ~ Isaiah 46:9-10

I like that first part of Isaiah 46:9 - "Remember the things I have done in the past." Because, if I look back at all the things He's brought me (and Joe) through...it's easy and clear to see that he'll bring us through whatever comes our way. Even if that means a deployment...or a TDY. Let's face it - any separation is tough. 1 month, 4 months, 9 months, or 12 months (or more) are all difficult on our marriages and families. If I only have previous experiences to go off of, I know that God will bring us through it. I just have to remember that.

But it sure won't be easy.

...Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world. ~ John 16:33