You're Doing it Wrong

Thus sayeth the so-called Mommy Wars. 

Do something that the attachment parenting know-it-alls think is wrong, and they'll crucify you...online. Hiding behind veils of perceived anonymity and nasty words, they'll tell you that you're - for all intents and purposes - torturing your child. 

Proclaim that breastfeeding is the healthiest option for babies, and bottle-feeders will be ready to decry that you're judging them for making a personal decision. Never mind that you yourself once considered it...and were also bottle-fed as an infant. Those facts don't matter. You're clearly judging them because you disagree with their choice. 

Things like this make me want to throw my computer across the room and never pick it up again. 

Last week, I responded to a mom's post in a group I'm in on FB. She had asked some questions about Babywise and I replied with my experiences. I don't remember exactly what I said, but it certainly did not warrant the responses I received.

Babywise is ABUSE and TORTURE. Period.

Babywise is the one book the FDA warns against...

...babies starve in silence...

...a baby who is always content is worrisome.

Sorry, guys, but YOU do not know MY kids. Why are they so content as babies? (With the exception of colic...whew.) Because I make sure they get plenty of rest and nurse enough. That's it, plain and simple. Isn't that what everyone else does? I thought it was.... Apparently I was wrong.

A few days ago I commented on someone's status... I felt like it was baiting a little, but I commented anyway. Rookie mistake. The woman said something like "I'm going to write a post about bottle feeding. I could barely stand to breast feed my babies for 2 months and HAD to switch to formula. It was the best thing for both of us." {I hope it's obvious I'm paraphrasing here.} So I commented. 

I wanted to let her know that the first 2 months of breastfeeding is hard for everyone. Either your nipples hurt so badly you wish they'd just fall off already, or your baby is attached to you 24/7 and you feel like a cow. (At least those were my experiences.) But if you push through those parts, it can really be awesome! It was breastfeeding and having those sweet moments with Millie that kept me sane because that was the only time she wasn't screaming. Since we have the option these days, I get that how you choose to feed your child is super-personal. Even so, no one will be able to convince me that formula is healthier than mama milk. 

Cue the bottle-feeding judgy mamas. 

Great for you, but don't judge me for choosing a safe option.

I can still bond with my child while bottle feeding!
I still love my child.

The "breast is best" thing is great if you can manage it, but don't
bully or shame me for giving up!

My comment eventually got deleted because I didn't 100% agree with the author's point of view. How's THAT for acceptance for everyone's decision?! There were other, far more heated comments, but that's not the point. Obviously I should have known enough to not comment on a post like this, but sometimes I can't help myself. I'm sure that's happened to any number of you.

My point is this: in this day and age where we have options - and many of them - there is no right choice. Make one comment, one post, one observation and the masses who think or choose differently will be right there to make sure you know you're wrong. Because if you don't do it their way, you are clearly wrong and stupid. You're hurting your child, don't you know it!? 

To them...

A crib = baby jail
Letting your child cry in bed for 5-20 mins = child abuse
Bottle-feeding = giving your child poison
Breastfeeding in public = flashing your boobs to the masses
Scheduling your baby's naps and feedings = torture

Here's what I think:

You make choices for you and your baby and I'll make choices for mine. 
You're awesome. 
I'm awesome. 
Our kids are the most perfect human beings ever.
We rock. 

Being a mom is hard enough without having the entire world scrutinize and judge your every decision.

P.S. Don't forget to check out my giveaway for some great kids' books! Ends on Wednesday!


  1. That last line - amen. I know for sure I've gotten plenty of judgment over the choices we've made. Every parent has to do what's right for THEM and THEIR children.

  2. The Internet is a place where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You know what's best for your kids, and no one should make you feel ashamed for making those choices or sharing them. It's really sad that this happens so much.

  3. I'm in both a formula feeding group (we supplement one bottle at night) and a breastfeeding group on facebook. 85% of the time the formula moms are more supportive, helpful and kind than the moms in the breastfeeding page. I'm glad I can nurse but I certainly don't love it. Heaven forbid you say you don't love nursing in the BFing group. They'll practically attack you. Say the same thing in the formula group (many members there nurse and bottle feed) and there's so much more support. Its a shame people pick sides and put others down so much. As long as the baby is fed and loved is ultimately more important than how.