Let's Chat

Warning: This post is slightly rambly. But please stick around, because I wanna chat with you!

I'm pretty sure that my last post was Millie's birth story. She was born one month ago now. 

First of all - that's craziness. It's easy to forget in the middle of a hard day that the days are long, but the weeks go by quickly. Second...adjusting to having this baby girl has been difficult. Some of the hardest days and nights have been had since she's been born. I thought that adjusting to having Charlotte was difficult, but I was oh-so wrong.

Just adjusting to having 2 kids has been hard enough, but we also get "help" in the difficult department from the dreaded colic. If you follow me on Twitter, you've seen my "up all night and crying all day" tweets. It's been really hard, you guys. So much harder than I ever thought it would be. Colic basically means I have a cranky baby more hours of the day than not. Not only is she cranky, but holding her doesn't guarantee that she will stop crying. Most of the time, she ends up screaming in my face. To be honest, there's only so much of that I can handle. It sucks.

I know it's not her fault. I know that. It doesn't make it any easier, though. I wish it did! 

Part of me feels incredibly guilty for complaining about her being up all night or not sleeping during the day. I mean...I wanted this baby, right? For crying out loud, she's my rainbow baby! The one I should be extra thankful to have after having a miscarriage last year. Right?

Yeah...about that. I read something posted by Diana Stone a few weeks ago, about parenting after the loss of a child. It was dead-on how I feel. (You should really go read that before you continue here.) Just because I lost a baby doesn't make parenting the babies I have any easier. Maybe I should be thankful for my girls - trust me, I am. But loss doesn't make me thankful for sleepless nights, though countless others would welcome them. Loss doesn't make me thankful for toddler meltdowns while I'm nursing the baby. Loss makes me appreciate life more, for sure. And in reality, I should be thankful for all I've got anyway, because that's what God wants from me. 

I also know, though, that God knows where I'm at right now. After all, He did give this to me - this baby, this situation. He knows what's going on. I think it's okay for me to not be thankful for the OMG-I-want-to-pull-my-hair-out moments. I think it's okay to not be thankful for colic; but to be thankful for the baby that has the colic. And yeah, she is pretty cute - when she's sleeping. ;-)

Sorry for rambling. This is just what has been rolling around in my head recently. 

So, let's chat: Did/do you have a baby with colic? How did you survive? If you have more than one kiddo, what was the hardest adjustment: 0-1, 1-2, 2-+? I'm curious! 

The Stare

It never ceases to amaze me that people feel the need to "weigh in" one way or another on someone else's life, especially that of a total stranger. You kind of expect family members and close friends to offer unsolicited advice, or even off-the-wall remarks. You expect it because you "do life" with these people - you call, text, send photos, and share pieces of your life with them. Naturally, they have a response to anything big - or small - in your life. But strangers? That's what I don't understand....

Last night, we went to eat at Cracker Barrel. We didn't go because they were doing something for Veterans Day (they weren't), but simply because we wanted to. While we waited for our food, Joe suggested that I go look around the shop because I always want to and never get enough time whenever we go. Obviously I jumped at that chance. ;-) 

I took my time perusing the store, looking for possible Christmas gifts or cute clothes and toys for the girls. As I was looking over the toys, an employee stopped to ask if I was having a boy or girl. Since I'm very obviously pregnant, this is pretty common and unsurprising. I answered her, and she mentioned how fun it was shopping for a girl. I basically replied with, "Yes, I'm very familiar with that since I have an older daughter too." Then, of course, she asked the next obvious question: "How old is she?" When I told her that Charlotte is 19 months, she said nothing, but widened her eyes and stared at me.

She just stared. That was it.

But the look on her face said it all - all the things I've heard before:

Oh, you're going to have your hands full!

Don't you know how this happens?

Oh, that's awfully close together!

I bet that was a surprise!

And on and on and on. Because I couldn't care less what she had to say next (if anything), I laughed and walked away. 

Because what would she say if she knew? If she knew that we lost a baby before this one? If she knew that this baby was helping to slowly, but surely heal my heart? What would she say if she knew that I don't care that my hands will be full, because my heart will be overflowing? If she knew...she'd probably be the one walking away from the conversation with nothing left to say. 

I have no doubt that having 2 under 2 will be difficult. But I also know that this is my path. It was chosen for me - or I was chosen for it. And by the grace of God, I'll get through any tough times ahead. Besides, I'd rather have my young babies and my husband with me and have tough times, than not have them - or any one of them - at all.

Also, how can you be upset with someone for making cute kids like this one?!

(P.S. Let this serve as proof that we did, indeed, visit a pumpkin patch this year. ;-))