A Different Kind of Rainbow

When we lived in Hawaii, rainbows were as common as rain in the afternoon. While Joe was deployed (and I was volunteering at the museum on post), I'd see on almost every day on my way home. Joe often saw them on his way to work. Even after 3 years of living there, I never grew tired of - or accustomed to - seeing such beautiful rainbows. I probably took a ton of pictures of them. In town, from our backyard, in the car - you name it. There is just something about a Hawaiian rainbow... They're really like nothing I've ever seen. So vibrant, so beautiful, so big. 


My most favorite memory of seeing a rainbow in Hawaii was the day we found out I was pregnant with Charlotte. We'd had plans to hang out with a friend of Joe's at Wet n Wild, but had to push them back a little so I could go get tested. As we were driving out of our neighborhood, we saw a huge rainbow in the pineapple fields. Just gorgeous. And what a way to remember that day! I remember feeling like it was God's way of telling me I was getting my promise, after a whole year of waiting for my husband to come home from deployment and aching for a baby. Obviously, you know how that story ended. =)


A few weeks ago I saw another rainbow, but probably not the kind you're thinking of. This is the little rainbow I saw, and words can't explain how I felt when I laid my eyes on it.

Your eyes are NOT deceiving you. That is, in fact, and ultrasound photo of our rainbow baby* at 8 weeks, 3 days. {In case you were wondering, this is the exact gestational age Charlotte was when we first got an ultrasound photo of her. LOVE that.} 


Shortly before we left to visit family in Arkansas, we found out I was pregnant again. First, I was elated. Then I was terrified. Then I was sick, and realized that's probably a good thing. But since I wasn't feeling well, I didn't get back to being excited until I saw this little baby on the screen and heard his/her heartbeat. Oh, there is no better sound in the world! I was so, so worried going into that ultrasound room. Terrified that it would happen all over again. Thankfully, that has not been the case. Our little one's heart rate was 176, and measured at 8 weeks. {No shocker that my babies are smaller than average!}

It's really been a bit of an emotional roller coaster for me. Happy I'm pregnant again. Scared to be pregnant again. Sad that I'm not hugely pregnant with the baby we lost in February like I would have been. Thankful for this baby currently taking up space in my belly, making me nauseous and tired.

Currently, I am 12 weeks pregnant. (Well, 12 as of Saturday.) I've been very hesitant to tell anyone that I'm pregnant again. A friend here (who we also knew in Hawaii) seemed shocked/upset that I hadn't told her yet...but once I explained, she also shared that she'd lost a baby before her youngest. It's crazy to me how many women have had to endure something so heart-shattering. Crazy.

Anyway, I'm sharing now because I'm finally starting to feel some peace. While miscarriage can still happen after 12 weeks, it is [supposedly] less common. Seeing my belly grow definitely helps, as does my OB's confidence that this baby will be safely in our arms on/around December 28th. :)

What "they" say about showing sooner with subsequent pregnancies is true for me. Crazy!

I will also admit that I've probably gained a bit since we moved to GA. Yay, PCS weight!

P.S. I don't like calling this baby "baby #2" since s/he is in heaven, but I don't want others to be weirded out by it either.... UGH. So confusing.

Sometimes the idea of having 2 kiddos only 21 months apart is daunting. But the rest of the time, I'm just thankful, excited, and really hoping that my babies will grow up best friends since they're so close in age. It'll probably be difficult for a while (hello, 2 in diapers!), but that's ok. If the next year goes by as quickly as the last, I think we'll make it. 



*Rainbow baby is a term in the miscarriage and infant loss 'world' that refers to a pregnancy/baby after loss. They're the rainbows after the storm, and we celebrate them. :)