Pausing for Heart Talk

I can't decide if I really want to post this, but I do need to get it out. So here I am. Taking a break from my 31 Days of Breastfeeding series to talk about my "stuff." My family junk that has me so...frustrated, sick to my stomach, and a little bit heart broken.

Source: 123rf.com via Sarah on Pinterest

A while back, Joe's parents offered to get us to NC for Christmas this year. I was more on the cautious, unsure side about doing this. {I mean, hello, flying with an 8/9 month old across and ocean and continent....!} Joe, of course, was over the moon and chomping at the bit. Obviously moms and dads have different opinions on flying/traveling with a baby. Haha. Anyway. One of my concerns was not being able to go see my family. Even though we've done it for the last 4 years, I knew not being able to go this year would impact them. Mainly because of Charlotte. {I'm well aware that I am chopped liver compared to her.} I dreaded telling them we were going because I knew it would not be easy for them to hear or understand.

Once the tickets were bought last week (ish), I couldn't hide it anymore. In fact, hiding the knowledge that we were going to get tickets and go was torture. I almost "spilled the beans" several times on accident. So I called my mom. Actually, before that I typed out everything I wanted to say so that I'd actually say it. I'm notorious for not remembering what I wanted to say during a discussion. It really, really sucks and having a baby did not help that at all. Anyway. What was I saying? Oh yes. The family. I called Mom and told her, while reading my script. It actually went a whole heck of a lot better than I thought it was. She didn't seem to be upset and she definitely didn't react the way I had foreseen. Even though it went better than I thought, I still had reservations. I had this sinking feeling that she wasn't being totally honest with me. 

Source: Uploaded by user via Sarah on Pinterest

Then came time to tell my grandparents. Initially Mom said she wanted to tell them. I was only kind of okay with that... Then the next morning, Mom texts me saying she doesn't want to tell them. Papa isn't in great health and she thought it would make him worse. And it would upset Nana. Even though that might be the truth, I wasn't okay with lying to them. Because God knows I'd let it slip in conversation or Mom would and then that would just be bad for all parties involved. So then Mom tells me to take a few days and think and pray about it. (As if a few days is going to make lying the correct solution...or make God tell me lying is the answer. HA!) And before I can tell her my plan of "attack" the next day...I get a text message saying, "I told Nana and Papa. They're upset and hurt. You might want to give them a few days before you call them."

Naturally, I was pissed. I mean, who wouldn't be?! So I told her it wasn't fair that she went ahead and did it because Joe and I had made a different decision. I didn't exactly say it like that, but it was along those lines. Anyway, she never really answered me.

Then Saturday, I called my grandparents to check in, fully expecting to give them an explanation on why we're going to NC and won't be able to see them, even though we really want to. I got something totally different. Apparently, my Mom has drug my 80something grandparents into the drama she and my (step)dad have created. Although Nana did attempt to put it in a somewhat nice manner, I was basically told that:

My mom thinks I don't love her.

They all think that Joe is manipulating me.

Because I say "Joe and I decided ___" I don't have a mind of my own.

I need to stand up to my husband. {Haven't figured out why they think I have a reason/need to.}

I should've stood up for Mom when she was here in June, instead of standing by my husband when I actually agreed with him. {Someone PLEASE tell me how that would've been great for my marriage.}

They're all upset because I don't want to live near them (but in NC) whenever Joe gets out of the Army.

I need to make things right with my parents. {Because they don't have ANYTHING to apologize for.}

Here's the biggest problem: Joe and I decided to move to NC when we got married. Mostly because he wanted to, and partially because I wanted to. I made the decision to live where he wanted to. Plus, I really wanted to get the heck out of my hometown. Like really. And then they pushed and pushed and pushed me, telling me how awful I was for leaving my family and that {sorry} my MIL was manipulating everyone into moving back to NC because that's where her family lives. By the time our wedding day rolled around, {after my (step)dad offered me $2000 to elope and get the F out of his house} I was beyond ready to leave. And the hardest part for them is that I grew to really like Joe's family. One of his sisters (Anna) is one of my closest friends and having her as family is a total bonus. I get along with all of them really well. 

Another problem: they don't agree with or understand our decisions. They don't really try to understand either. What they don't understand, they criticize, beat down and attempt to destroy. This results in them trying to force their advice/opinions on me. My (step)dad actually asked me a few weeks ago if I was going to get a job when we move to GA in the spring. I was completely baffled. I have chosen to be a SAHM because I want to raise my babies. I want to teach them. I want to be here for them. That doesn't change because we PCS. It doesn't change because the job market is potentially better in GA. Nothing changes my desire and my calling from God to stay home with Charlotte, or future babies. His response was that I need to make money - put money into Social Security (please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks that's beyond ridiculous!) and retirement. I'm sorry (actually, I'm not), but I'd much rather be home with my child(ren) and do what God wants me to do rather than put money into something that might not be there in the future. It's called investing in my family.

What hurts me the most is that they just beat me down every chance they get. Everything is my fault. I moved away. I chose to stay away. I choose to stay home with my child(ren). I fell in love with my husband's family. {I guess they want me to hate them?} I like to spend time with my husband's family. So naturally, I don't love my family anymore. I don't understand how they can twist everything into being something I did wrong. How do they not realize that by saying all of these things they're hurting me? I guess I shouldn't be so surprised... Things have been like this for a very long time now. It's hard because they're my parents. They should be able to love and support me even when they don't understand the decisions Joe and I have made for our family. But they don't. Or they won't. At this point, I'm honestly not sure which. It makes me glad that I have the support of Joe's parents and family, but also sad...because that's how it should be. 

Source: via Sarah on Pinterest

If you made it to the end of this post, serious kudos. I wish had something fantastic to giveaway. =P I'm just very upset...and this is my place. My home. My little space where I can come and talk about what really matters to me. And this? This is where my heart is today. Hope you don't mind me sharing all my family drama. 

I'd really, really appreciate your prayers. God's working so much in my heart and life right now. I really think this could be just another one of the enemy's ploys to get me to stray from God and the good things He's doing. Prayers appreciated. Advice welcome. Hugs needed.

Realizations

I called my dad yesterday. During blow-out with my mom a couple weeks ago, things about my dad's feelings were revealed... To be honest, I'm not really sure why I called him. I didn't feel ready to talk to him about...things, but for some reason I did anyway. I know now that God was telling me to call him. I couldn't have survived that phone call any other way.

I sort of called with the agenda of checking on my mom - she had knee surgery yesterday. But of course, Dad took the opportunity to fill in all the blanks Mom left during our, um, chat. Some of his complaints are understandable, while the rest are just ridiculous and bizarre. 

To start off, he's still upset that we moved to NC right after we got married. It was always Joe's goal/dream to move back after graduating college, and he told me this when we were talking about getting married. At first I completely balked at the idea. Leave my family, my home, everything I've known for the last 20 years?! But after a while, the idea grew on me and I realized that I really did want to get away from the place I grew up. I needed something different. Anyway, I never really communicated that to my family which I guess was - and is - my fault. So they basically see the situation as Joe wanted to move to NC and I went with him because I wanted to be with him, not because I actually wanted to. Dad's actual words were, "he said he was moving to NC and you could come or not." Not exactly the case, but I suppose I can see where they came up with that.

And now, because we moved to NC and I actually like spending time with my in-laws, I have "abandoned" my family. We spend more time with his family, supposedly, and we like them better. Oh, and here's a ridiculous, very 12 year old, complaint: I don't post hardly any pictures of MY family on FB. Seriously, y'all, I can't make this stuff up. He actually said that. And, yeah, it's true. But my family hates to take pictures. It's like pulling teeth. Rest assured that the next time I'll be annoying them with my camera and posting all the bad photos on FB. Just for spite.

The rest of the things he said were really meant to push my buttons. Basically, I'm not the person I used to be. I guess they think people can't/shouldn't change? He thinks that I started changing when I started hanging out with my bestie my senior year of high school/freshmen year of college. Well, maybe the two are just coincidental. Generally speaking, people start changing when they get into college and are introduced to different people and different ways of thinking. But since he never went to college and can't understand that, he's willing to place the blame on my change in personality/thinking on a person I became close friends with. 

He even went so far as to tell me that I have none of my own thoughts because I've changed so much. That because I am a SAHM and want to homeschool my kids, I'm trying to be like my husband's family. "Because Sarah never wanted to do those things." And he's right, I didn't. I never had any desire to be a SAHM before I was married. I planned to send my kids to public school before I got pregnant. But people change. More accurately, God changed MY HEART. My dad won't respond well to me saying such things, so I can't tell him that God revealed to me when I was pregnant that I should teach my children, not someone else. I can't tell him that God changed my heart about staying home with my babies. I can't tell him because I'm not sure he'd understand. And because he can't understand, he says things like I wasted 4 years in college. That I should've gotten married at 18 and not gone to college if I "just wanted to be a barefoot and pregnant housewife." Those were his actual words. 

It wasn't until I was talking to Joe later, that I realized something. My parents want me to be something I'm not. They want me to be exactly like them. They're not bad people, they're just not who I want to be. I can't be like them. I can't go to church and act one way, then come home (or go to work) and act another. I can't talk to people they way they talk to me. (Although it is tempting to talk the same way to them.) I can't take their advice on most things, because the way they live isn't how Joe and I want to live. We don't agree on a lot of things - money, church, homeschooling, careers, you name it. I'm sure they're disappointed. There's nothing wrong with being like/wanting to be like my in-laws. They're just different than my family. Honestly, they're easier to be around and not just because I don't have to field 90 million questions about why I'm not doing things their way. They respect our decisions (or at least they appear to ;-)) and they offer us sound advice.

All I can say is that I know God was behind that conversation. I know things were aired that needed to be and, thankfully, Dad was pretty calm and respectful... Well, other than those things about me just being a barefoot and pregnant housewife. The real miracle is that I was able to pretty much let things slide. I barely got agitated, which is rare when Dad and I have a heated discussion. I barely got a word in, which is very normal and also why I can't even try correct his incorrect assumptions, but at least he got out what he needed to say.

So I'm not sure I can do anything to resolve this situation with my parents. I can't convince them of, well, anything. I can't apologize for things I didn't do wrong. I did tell him a couple times that I was sorry he felt that way, and I think that's all I can really do. I can't apologize for wanting to spend time with pleasant people. I can't apologize for changing when that change is from God and for the best. My MIL emailed me a few days ago about all this and said there are some people with whom you just can't make things right. I have a feeling my parents are these people. 

I don't really know where we go from here, but here is where we are. When I really think about the relationship I have with my parents, it makes me a little sad. It also makes me envious of people who have fantastic relationships with their parents. This morning I read a post by someone who has a great relationship with her dad. It was his birthday and she wrote some beautiful things she learned from him.  Things I wish I could say I learned from my dad...about God and life as a Christian. Sure, my parents took me to church, but I don't remember ever having very in-depth discussions about following and living in God's will. It hurts my heart to think about all the opportunities we missed (and still are missing, I suppose) to share our faith. My grandparents and I share this, but not my parents. I don't understand why, but that's the way it is.

Anyway. Nothing has been solved and I'm not sure it will ever be solved. Maybe it's not supposed to be. All I know is that I'm going to keep living the way I am and I can't apologize for it.

Save the Drama for Your Mama

Or in my case, Leave the Drama to Your Mama.


It's been a while since I mentioned my mom coming to visit. She was here for 4 days last week. Yup, 4. And somehow during that short time, she managed to push all my buttons and things in our already-tense relationship just exploded.

For a few weeks before she flew out here, she told me of some things she wanted to do while she was visiting. Things like going to the beach, Pearl Harbor and a couple other touristy things. These things are not bad, but in fact expected when anyone comes to Hawaii. However, she was not just coming to Hawaii. She was {supposedly} coming to see Charlotte and I and spend time with us. About a week ago, she informed me that she wasn't going to be able to rent a car when she was visiting because she didn't have the money - even though my dad just bought her a brand spankin' new car and a Vegas trip after she left Hawaii. She asked if we would have the money to rent a car and I flat-out told her no. So the result was that we'd have to do things while Joe was home in the mornings {remember the silly swing shift he's on? PT at 1430, work from 1730-0130}.

I had hoped that once she got here, she'd realize that getting Charlotte out and about was/is difficult and she'd want to just hang out at home with us. Well, I really shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. It turns out, she came to see Hawaii and then she wanted to spend time with us. Every day she was here it was, "I want to do x, y, and z. Do you think we'll be able to go see 'y' today? I really want to see 'y'. Can we do 'z' too? You only get to see Hawaii once!"

By Tuesday night (she arrived on Sunday), I about had all I could take. Joe lovingly stepped in for me during one of her "Can we see 'x' tomorrow?" rants and told her we could if it fit into our schedule. He had to go back in for a PT test the next morning, and the day before there was some sort of change of command ceremony we didn't hear about until the night before. You know how it is with the military, things change daily and sometimes hourly. Anyway. Apparently, this upset her because when I came back in the living room after getting Charlotte, Mom was outside all upset.

She came back in after about 10 minutes or so and started in on how she just wanted to see Hawaii. I told her - in a very nice, calm manner - that I would really just rather she want to stay home and hang out with us. {Because, really, that's when Charlotte is the happiest.} I told her I understood her want/need to see the island, but it's just hard for me because all I do is worry about Charlotte when we're out - is she hungry/sleepy/wet/dirty/why won't she eat?! After several minutes of us going back and forth - and her expressing concerns about Joe's feelings toward her - she went back outside. I asked Joe to go out and talk to her {he'd been in our room, trying to sleep} because I was in the middle of feeding Charlotte.

I don't know what was said out there, but Mom came back inside all fired up. It was unbelievably awful. If you follow me on Twitter, you might have caught a couple of my tweets from that night. We argued about everything from why she came to visit {and why my dad didn't} to things that happened before Joe and I were even married. I was accused of not loving my family, abandoning them when I got married, and basically being a bad daughter. Oh, and I'm pretty sure she resents the fact that I'm so close to my in-laws. I'm guessing she wanted me to not like them so much? I don't know. Nothing was really resolved that night... I gave up trying to talk to her around midnight. I was exhausted mentally and physically and I knew that Charlotte would be up in 5 or 6 hours.

When Charlotte woke up around 6:00, Mom was sort of up but didn't really say much to me. I went back to bed right after I fed her because I was so tired. Joe had gotten up at 5:00 for his PT test, so he was long gone. And when I got up for the day around 8:00, Mom had left a note saying she went for a walk. She came back a few minutes into Charlotte's feeding and I was honestly expecting some sort of talk about the previous night. Instead, I got the exact opposite. She acted like nothing had happened. She was overly chipper and talked about how great her walk was... It was bizarre. And not a word was mentioned about it for the rest of her stay. None. What. So. Ever.

I feel so confused and a tad bit guilty for everything blowing up while she was here. And also that we weren't able to do much in the way of tourism. But then I realize that she had 2 years to come here and play the tourist. When Joe was deployed, my parents took a trip to Vegas. I mentioned a few times that it wouldn't be that much more costly for them to come visit me. Hawaii is only a 6 hour plane ride from Vegas. I know, I've done it. I would've loved for them to be here while I was going through deployment. It would've been nice to have company. But, no, they didn't come. And I also realize that most family members would have 1) stayed for more than 4 days and 2) realized that we just can't pick up everything at the drop of a hat and do everything we/they want to do.

So now I just don't know what to do. Do I push the issue and try to solve things? Do I do as my parents are clearly doing and ignore it? I love my family, but sometimes I honestly wonder if I should even bother. I feel drained emotionally and spiritually. I'm searching for the answers only God can give, but I haven't found any yet. So if you've made it this far please say some many prayers for Joe and I. We so need it. The only way I'm getting through this is prayer, talking to my sweet hubby and watching my sweet little girl laugh and smile.

I love Instagram. =)

Drama, Drama, Drama...

What better way to celebrate my 500th post than with a little bit of good 'ole fashioned drama?!

I don't normally air "dirty laundry" on the blog, but this is something I just need to get out for my own mental well-being. And hopefully a few of you will have some good, helpful advice for me too!

As when most people do, once I found out I was pregnant {and told the family} the planning began. Planning for decorations, clothes, and when people are coming to visit. My mom is a paraprofessional at an elementary school and since the baby is coming during the school calendar, it isn't really possible for her to come. As some of you know, teachers don't get vacation days and they only get a few sick days a year. So my parents plan to come in June, after the school year is well over. After learning this, my MIL graciously offered to come right after the baby is born to help out. I was over the moon excited because I know I will be needing some help! I'm no newbie when it comes to babies, but I hear it's a little different when they're your own. ;-) Obviously, I accepted her offer.

I was a bit nervous about telling my mom the news, but I prayed she'd understand. When I told her, the conversation went very well. I know she was a little sad she couldn't make it, but I assured her it'd be fine. I didn't want to be upset when there was nothing I could really do about it anyway. I guess this is one of the things I've learned being a milspouse. There are just some things you can't control and being upset about it doesn't do anyone any good. So, anyway, I thought that was the end of discussion about who was coming when.

Until a couple days ago. Mom texted me asking how long Joe's mom would be here and when his dad would come. I didn't really think much of it {other than that it was a little odd} and told her that my MIL will be here for 2 weeks and my FIL will come for probably a week in there somewhere. I got little response and it didn't cross my mind again. Until yesterday morning. I got the joy of waking up to a text that went something like this:

I'm upset because you said you wanted your MIL to come care for you when the baby's born... Sometimes I feel like you left your family behind when you got married...


There was a bit more to it, but that's the gist of it. I automatically locked my phone and didn't think much about it. Or tried not to. When Joe got back from PT, I showed it to him to see what he thought. Since I wasn't feeling well, he offered to call her and tell her that the way she was feeling wasn't necessarily what was true. Sadly, his conversation with her didn't go so well. I suppose I can understand why, but I think she should know {at least by now} that he knows how I feel and what I think just as well as I do. Anyway, after she talked to him she texted me... Even though I learned later that Joe had said he'd talk to me when he got home and then I'd call her if I was feeling well. That alone irritated me. We talked when he finally got home and I called her because I basically wanted to be done with this issue. It'd been bothering me all day... I was upset and worried and...everything I should not be right now.

So I called. Joe says it went better than his conversation with her, but I'm not so sure. I told her that, no, I did not accept my MIL's offer to come after the baby was born until after I knew that she wouldn't be able to. She apparently doesn't believe this but then said that she wanted me to know that she'd come if I begged asked her to come. That she'd "make it happen" even though it'd be difficult. After going round and round with this for about 5 minutes, I realized that she wanted me to beg her to come. She wants me to be upset that she can't come. Basically? She's making this all about her.

To be honest, I don't really care who comes after Baby gets here. The one person that I'd be very, truly upset if they weren't here is Joe. And he'll be here, so I'm fine. Will it be easier if my mom or MIL were here to help me afterward? Absolutely! But I'm not going to beg anyone to come help me, and I'm certainly not going to put anyone in a difficult financial situation. Nor will I be upset about something I can't control. So, I can't tell her what she wants to hear. I can't validate her... And I honestly don't think it's right for her to put me in that position.

I don't know what to do now. She ended the conversation before I could try to make her really see my point of view. Which, I guess is relatively normal when we have arguments/disagreements. All she wanted out of that conversation was to make me say something and when I didn't do it, she was done. I want to have a good relationship with my mom {and my family}, but I can't be responsible for validating her feelings. I won't apologize for the way I feel.

I didn't even touch on the "I feel like you left your family behind" portion, because that's just blowing all this up. You guys know that when I got married I moved to NC with Joe. I did it because - wait for it - I wanted to. I always wanted to move after I graduated college. Sure, Joe put NC in my brain, but I was okay with it. My family, however, wasn't {and apparently still isn't} okay with me moving. Why? Mainly because that's the central location of Joe's family. Nevermind that we'd have someone close by to help us out if we needed it, they stayed focused on the sole fact that his family would be there.

She says things like this without recognizing the fact that she and Dad have never, ever come to visit us. Not one single time. I'd bet a million dollars {that I obviously don't have} that the only reason they're coming next summer is because of Baby. Yup. I said it. It's Joe's parents that have made an effort to come see us, no matter where we lived. Meanwhile, my parents travel to Vegas every year and don't come to see me. Now you see why I didn't bother bringing that up.

I don't know what to do. I prayed about it all day yesterday and I do feel a certain peace...if only that it's okay for me to feel and think the way I do. I don't know how to make this better. I've always been at odds with my parents over the years, but I thought I was done with all this. I suppose the better part about it now is that I don't live in the same house and I live far enough away to let it be for a while before really needing to hash it all out.

Just say a prayer for me so that I'll be able to figure this all out. I do not need this right now. I should be happy and only thinking about the happy future of my little family. Instead, I have my mom creating issues that shouldn't even be there. And if you have any advice, I'll take it! I'm at a loss.

Oh, and today's the last day to cast your gender vote! My ultrasound is tomorrow! Eeeek! =D

Why the Criticism?

There are things about people that I don't think I'll ever understand.

Similar to the drama that happened to me last week (that I was also told I started...funny how that works), a good friend of mine had relatively the same thing happen to her today. I felt so bad for her. Here she was at church, confiding in a friend. Someone she trusted with very personal information. Although this friend originally had good intentions in asking her why she wasn't coming to this church function or that get together, it soon turned into a personal attack. My friend confided in this person in an attempt to explain why she felt this way about going to church functions - how her past affects her present. I think we can all relate to this. We've all had things happen to us in the past that make us not want to trust people. This woman she was confiding in basically told her (and this is me paraphrasing here) that it was all just a bunch of excuses. She told my friend that she needed to get over her past because - wait for it - someone else has it worse!!!!


What on earth?! My friend had some pretty shady stuff happen to her that caused her to go into a downward spiral. While we weren't close when all of it happened, I know that it affected her in a very BIG way. For someone to completely dismiss this is unbelievable to me! Considering what happened to her, it's a wonder she even attends church still. Seriously.

While I'm sure this woman who dismissed her feelings initially had good intentions, I can't help but wonder why she'd say these things. I really don't understand why people feel it's necessary to tell others who are hurting, dealing with things or simply just frustrated, that other people have it worse. What good is it doing? I think most - if not all - of us realize that there are people in this world going through worse situations. And we can never really understand those situations because we aren't in them. But, we can be sympathetic. We can be hurt for them. And when we have the chance to be happy for others because their situation is better than ours, we should!

***

Another thing kind of bothered me today. As some of you know, I tend to watch the Today Show...a lot. (Sorry, JG! ;-)) Well, they had a segment today that evaluated the necessity of monogamous relationships, specifically marriages. Some people believe that we - as humans - are not naturally monogamous. Some believe that we aren't meant to be "tied down" to one person for the rest of our lives. Their reasoning - I'm assuming - is the incapability of so many people to stay in a monogamous relationship for a long period of time. Cheating, pornography, etc. 

Here's my reasoning. 

We actually ARE naturally monogamous. {The woman in the segment did say that we naturally cling to one person. Go figure. She was actually fairly objective.} God created us to be with only one person. Somehow, I think that if God thought Adam needed more than one help-mate He would have created more. I do. God's a smart guy. Obviously, there were polygamous relationships in the Old Testament. I don't know their reasoning for it. I don't claim to be a Bible scholar. I, personally, believe that God allowed them to be polygamous. In the same way, God allows people to sin - to cheat. That doesn't mean He likes it! He gave us free will - the ability to choose. If we choose wrong, that's on us. 

The simple fact is that people aren't perfect. We make mistakes. As the lady on the show said, most people marry because that person makes them happy. Obviously, that should be a part of why you marry someone. It's bigger than that though. Before you actually get married, you should really talk with that other person. Find out their beliefs. Find out everything you possibly can about each other. I recommend pre-marital counseling. It was the best thing we could have done for our soon-to-be-marriage. The counselor we saw (who was a Christian counselor on staff at the church we attended) asked us things that we NEVER would have come up with on our own. It was amazing. So many times, couples don't talk about their expectations, their beliefs, whether they want kids, how they want to raise kids, where they want to live, how they expect their spouse to act, etc. This, along with the imperfections of people, the cheating, the lying, the hiding things, is what makes marriage difficult. 

Too often, people just give up. They decide it isn't worth fighting for. They decide he/she doesn't deserve forgiveness for an affair. They decide they can't live with his/her annoying habits. I could go on forever here. The truth is, marriage is hard. You have to make a conscious decision every day to keep trying. To love your spouse unconditionally. I think people love conditionally these days, and that isn't how it's supposed to be. God also needs to be in the middle of a marriage. I think that's the number 1 cause of failed marriages. 

I'm just saddened by this view on marriage - that it isn't worth it. It IS! You just have to being willing to be selfless...which is asking a whole lot more these days.

This is not the post that I had planned for today, but I really wanted to share these things with you. Hope you don't mind. =)

Hope y'all are having a great week!

Leave the Drama at the Theater

Due to the apparent trouble I've caused by posting this, the original content is being deleted. I had no idea that my own thoughts and feelings would cause such a stir.


For those of you who have read for a long time and know me, you know that it was not my intention to cause a stir but to prod us all to be a little more considerate of each others' situations. I honestly didn't think that I complained about my husband's internet connect so much, but it has been brought to my attention that I do. 


I refuse to keep defending myself because I shouldn't have to. 


This is my blog. It contains my thoughts and feelings. If you don't want to read about my issues and complaints during this deployment or about other things in my life, you're not required to follow me. I won't take it personally.