Jumbly Shmumbly Mess

There are so many things I want to write about today. I should really be continuing on with my 31 days series, Faith in the Dark, but I really don't have the brain power at the moment. And that's ok, right? It is my blog, after all. ;-)

I'm sure exactly none of you were super concerned about it, but we were I was finally able to get our gas turned back on this past Friday. It took a couple hours of being on the phone to do it but, thankfully, I finally reached a compassionate person who set me up with an all day appointment. It amazes me still that it could take so long for them to be willing to come out and provide us with services we're willing to pay for. Not to mention the fact that I had spoken with numerous people throughout the week, all of whom assured me there was nothing more they could do to help. And then after a complete emotional breakdown, and probably 10 straight minutes of prayer, I get someone who can help. I'm thankful it all worked out, but it makes me wonder about everyone else I spoke to, as well as the company's policy!

Speaking of Friday, my parents drove in and arrived Friday afternoon - right as the gas tech person was in the attic lighting our pilot light. If you've followed me for a while, you know my relationship with my parents isn't the greatest. Obviously I was fairly concerned as to how the weekend would pan out. I can happily report that it went much better than I thought! There were some moments that slightly irritated me, but I think some of that can even be attributed to hormones. 

Charlotte with Mimi and Pop before church.

I think the biggest issue - if you could even call it that - is just how loud they are. Since they've been gone for a couple days now, I've wondered how on earth I didn't have a perpetual headache growing up. They've always been this way, but it is so much more noticeable now! I'm not sure how to tell them that they don't have to yell everything they say. Being in a car with them, plus a toddler was nerve-racking...even just for a drive into town! Pass the Tylenol, please!

With the busyness of the weekend, I completely forgot to take an updated bump photo. *sigh* I kept thinking about it at the worst times, and then remembering before bed. And Lord knows pre-bedtime photos aren't really blog-worthy. Haha! Suffice it to say that the bump is growing, little miss Millie is growing and kicking away (mostly at my bladder), my stretch marks are growing, my hips and back ache, and my belly button will surely be an outie instead of an innie in a few short weeks. =) I'm starting to get uncomfortable, but I'm not unhappy about any of it. If anything, it just makes me more excited for her arrival.

....which we're not really prepared for. This poor girl. Her room is still a mess, though not nearly as bad as before. I haven't even ordered fabric for her bedding. Her sister's hand-me-downs clothes are still in boxes, and her closet is stuffed with all kinds of things. We still have furniture to rearrange, too. I know we still have a while, but I feel like we'd already done so much more before I was this far along with Charlotte! The one thing we do have prepared is her crib, so at least there's that. 

Ah, so many things to share. I have a few good posts planned for my 31 days series, but I have yet to write them. I think I let the insanity of last week really get to me, and keep me from writing what I really wanted to. Hopefully that will change this week! I also plan on writing a little post about our weekend with my parents, and our trip to the local pumpkin patch. Stay tuned! ;-)

All in all, this week is off to a pretty good start. (It really feels like a different day since Joe was off on Monday...my whole week is off now!) I hope yours is going well, too!

Attitude of Gratitude: Day 7

Already one week in! I'm starting to think I should do this for more than just this month. Maybe 2? Through the holidays? It'll be busy, but I think it'd be a nice thing to keep up. Plus having a daily thing is helping me blog. Although I'll admit there are times I even struggle with that!

Today I'm thankful for the family that I married into. I chose the guy without really knowing his family. Fortunately for me, they're totally awesome. I'm also thankful that living in NC after we got married provided me with an opportunity to get to know all of them pretty well. 

It never ceases to amaze me how well I seem to "fit" with his family. And that is a huge blessing. Knowing that I can rely on them for advice, prayer, friendship, and so many other things is amazing. I'm thankful that we have a great relationship and that I feel comfortable enough to be able to spend weeks at a time with them and not go crazy. Well...not totally crazy, anyway. ;-) We're a crazy bunch when we all get together, and we have crazy fun. 

I guess this is just proof that I married the right guy... If living with him on a daily basis wasn't enough. ;-)

What are you thankful for today?

Family Matters

Tuesday I spoke to my father for the first time in 8 years. We've been emailing for a couple years, recently exchanged phone numbers, but we still hadn't spoken...not really.

You see, my biological parents divorced when I was a baby. Too young to even remember a time when they were married. I was born in England - my father was in the USAF - and my mom left him around 8 months after I was born. I won't get into the "why" of that because 1) I don't feel comfortable sharing it and 2) I don't know the whole story anyway. Mom left, we flew back to the States and moved in with my grandparents. There was a nasty custody battle, which my mom eventually won. We lived with my grandparents for about 2 years, until my mom married my stepdad - who eventually became "dad."

My father only saw me once, maybe twice a year. Mostly because of the custody thing, but probably more so due to the fact that he was in the military. (Something I never understood until very recently...) Every time he would visit, I always got anxious. I mean, I didn't live with this guy... I barely knew him and yet I was expected to talk to him?! As an introvert (which was far worse when I was a child), this was extremely hard. I read something in a parenting book a few days ago that said, basically, your child gets their cues on how to act from you. They don't understand new situations, so they look to you for how they should feel. With this knowledge, I feel certain saying that since my mom was uncomfortable in this situation (as was my stepdad) it makes sense that I would feel this way.

As I got older, sometimes my mom would tell me stories about him. Not really any good stories, either. Actually, I'm not sure I can tell you one nice thing she's ever said about him, unless you count, "He can be nice when he wants to be." And sometimes, when I'd do something that he did, she'd always get onto me and tell me she hated that because Rick did it. I can't tell you how many times I tapped my fingers on a table, desk or computer and got yelled at for it. As all redheads do, my father has a temper. He was never good at controlling it and I've always had a difficult time with it. On several of those "difficult times," I heard my mother tell me I was just like my father. She never meant it in a good way; she meant it to hurt me. And it did. Why would I want to be like someone she clearly hated? Still, I couldn't help that I acted like him. I'd never known him at all...it wasn't my fault. Sometimes I understood this, but more often than not I'd walk away wondering what I'd done wrong.

I grew up hearing about things my father did or said while my parents were married. They were married 3 years, and had divorced long before I became "aware" of anything. All my knowledge of him came from her and what little interaction we had while he was in town.

My freshman year of high school, I emailed him some without my mother's knowledge. I was taking a computer course and accessed my email account there. I can't even remember why I started doing it, but I'm sure it was because I felt like I wanted to know him. After that year, the emails slowed down a lot. I hardly ever talked to him. By my senior year, I might have emailed him a few more times. The last time I emailed him I had asked for money to paint my severely beaten up car. He suggested we "barter for it." That sounded sorta fishy to me, so I did what any teenager does - I asked my mom about it. Of course, she told me not to respond because she was worried what that meant. I can still understand it to a certain degree. 

He didn't come to my high school graduation because I didn't want him there. I didn't want him there because all the information I had on him was from my mom, who said he wasn't a good person. My mom sent the invitation the day of the ceremony so he'd know about it, just not in time. A couple months later, he came to visit at my parents' house. He'd wanted to meet in town, but because I didn't know him I wasn't comfortable with it. He stayed for a very awkward 2 hours, told me to let him know if I needed anything and then left.

That was the last time I saw him. I was 18 years old.

Fast forward to 2 years ago.

He had apparently lost my email address and emailed my mom. I can't remember exactly what the email said, but the idea was that he wanted to talk to me, to get to know me. And to apologize for not really being there, especially after I turned 18. A few months before this, I had been thinking about emailing him or sending a letter or something. He'd been in the same place for a while, so I did have his address. And apparently his email address never changed (unlike me...I've had at least 5 different ones). Anyway, when I got this email I knew it was time.

I'll admit that it's been difficult at times. At first I was a little irritated and upset. Why wait so long to talk to me? But the more we emailed, the more I realized that I'd only heard one side of the story. One side for over 20 years. I've heard my mom tell her side, but I'd never heard his. How he came home from 24 hr duty to an empty house. Despite all the troubles they had, I can't imagine how that felt. How it felt for him to hear me call someone else "dad" after Mom remarried. How it felt knowing he couldn't be there... 

Over the emails and facebook messages, we've mostly gotten to know each other. It's been awkward at times, but I'm sure it's worth it. Oddly enough, it's been easier since Charlotte was born. Everybody wants to talk about the baby and, as her proud mommy, I'm happy to do so! And yesterday, I decided it might just be time to talk to him. So, we used Skype to talk for the first time since I was 18. It was a little awkward, but I think that's to be expected. He got to see Charlotte and he met Joe, too. It was a really nice chat, overall. I'm glad we finally had the opportunity.

Since then I've been thinking about a lot of things related to our relationship. It's frustrating to hear one side for so long and then hear the other, which isn't 100% different...but it's the other side. And, so far, he's nothing like my mother described. Although, that was 20something years ago and they were married. He's my father. Our relationship is obviously different. I think so much time has passed that those things shouldn't really matter anymore. Anything he did, he didn't do directly to me. They either happened to my mom or just plain happened. I had little to do with it.

I think what frustrates me most is knowing that I missed out on something. I didn't invite him to any graduations (high school or college) and I didn't invite him to my wedding. {Although, honestly, it would have been way awkward.} I don't call him "dad" because he was never really around. And I'm fairly certain he's an introvert too, which doesn't exactly help in the talking-to-people department. I just... I never really got the chance to know my father. Not the guy who married my mom, although he is an important part of my life, but the guy without whom I literally wouldn't be here. The one guy who's biologically engineered to love me. I don't even have any pictures of us...well, except for the ones he sent me via email. And I was a teeny, tiny little baby in those. 

That's it. That's all I have. It just...it just sucks. There's really no other way to put it.

Did I have a good childhood? Yes. Did I have a father figure in my life, who I came to call "dad?" Yes. Is it the same as having your own father in your life? Absolutely not. I always felt sort of...different. My brother looks a lot like my dad. Aside from hair color, I look like my mom. But I always sort of stuck out like a sore thumb. Or at least I felt that way. Red hair, blue eyes, pasty white skin, glasses, contacts, nose stuck in a book, quiet, to myself kind of person. My [step]dad has black hair and green eyes, Mom has brownish blonde hair and green eyes, my brother has brown hair and brown eyes. And there's me. A lot of people my brother and I went to school with didn't even know we were related until we told them. Allow me to remind you that I graduated with 37 people. That's how you know it's bad.

I've totally gotten off on a tangent here. The point is this: God totally gets the credit for healing this relationship. It's amazing to me that we're on a speaking basis after so long, and after so many years of me hearing bad things about him. It's also amazing how I feel about all this. I never imagined that I'd want to know him, let alone that I'd feel sad about all the years and things we missed out on. I'll never know what that was like. But I'm glad we're here. I can only hope that things will continue to get better, and thank God along the way.

P.S. Thanks to everyone who participated in the Wednesday Walkabout yesterday!! =D It was a hit! Can't wait for next week! (And maybe I'll get the link to work on time, too.)

Highs and Lows

For the most part, Joe and I had a good weekend. We didn't do much, but sometimes I think that's the best. Saturday afternoon we went to see a movie {Underworld. Warning if you go see it: lots and lots of gore. More than usual for those movies.} and then I somehow talked him into going to Ross with me. Hehehe. =) He said that since we were on a date he had to, but we all know he could have easily said no. =) Anyway. My goal was to get some cheap frames for Charlotte's room, but you just can't help but look while you're there!!

Backing up a bit, I got these cute prints in the mail last week... Which is why I needed frames. =)

I was shocked at how quickly they got here! {I ordered them from an Etsy seller in Indonesia. I guess being in the Pacific helps.} And I fell in love with them... More than when I just saw them on Etsy!

We got really lucky at Ross and ended up with 4 frames and a figurine for her room - all for $40! I was {and still am} really excited to get all of it... So much so that I came home and put the prints in the frames. =P

Don't you just love them?! Minus the stickers that sill need to be taken off, of course. I can't wait for Joe to hang them up!!! ;-)

Apparently I was feeling rather nest-y today... I was busy all morning with house cleaning. Then this afternoon I felt the sudden need to rearrange some things in the almost-nursery. {Almost because there are still things that need to be moved from that room. Soon!}

First, I made a little book holder/organizer out of a cereal box to hold some kids' books I found in the closet this weekend.

Cut the cereal box, pick out some scrapbook paper, get out the modge podge and voila! Something to hold your books/magazines. =) And yeah, I totally got the idea from Pinterest...

While I was in there working on her room, I decided it'd be a good time to dust. So I dusted the entire wardrobe before putting all the fun nicknacks on it. Nesting is serious business!!

This is the figurine we found at Ross!! It was $11 and they took a little bit off the price since it's a bit damaged. I love it and couldn't leave the store without it. Seriously, I had to talk Joe into letting me get it because it's damaged. I'm going to try to cover that little white spot with some acrylic paint... I'm hopeful. =)

This is the finished product of the wardrobe. Ok, mostly finished. I need/want to order another print to put in that large frame and it'll really be done. I'm so excited to be getting so much done in her room. I'm starting to get anxious about her arrival... I really want to have everything put together soon!

Amid all of the excitement surrounding this little one's arrival {plus our date}, we got a bit of sad news this weekend. My mom called while we were in church on Sunday to let me know that my aunt passed away.

My aunt and uncle {far right} at our wedding. 

It's a hard, very sad thing... She was only 55 and while she'd been having health problems for a while, I feel confident saying no one saw this coming. She passed away with my uncle holding her hand and all her children {plus one grandchild} standing just outside the room. My uncle is {according to my mom} very numb right now, which I can imagine is a very normal reaction. I was pretty upset after I got word, but I am taking comfort in the fact that she's Home with Jesus and family that went before her and she's feeling no pain.

While I wish I could be there, I think it's probably a good thing for me that I can't be. I know it would be hard to see my - usually very happy and energetic - uncle so sad. My mom is going up on Wednesday, I believe, and I'm hoping that he'll feel up to talking on Skype. Anyway. Just please keep my family in your prayers this week. As upsetting as it is for me, I can't imagine how my uncle and cousins are feeling.

Prego Package

Before we get to the main reason for this post, I have something I want to poll/ask you guys about. You may remember that last year I started a Fall Foto Contest (If you're new, just click the link. =)). Since I'm clearly not going to be experiencing fall yet again this year, I'd like to host the contest again. That is, if there's any interest in it. So the question is, would you be interested in sending in/seeing fall photos? Please let me know!!!

Source: thebookofsecrets.tumblr.com via Sarah on Pinterest

This photo got me thinking about doing the contest again. Gorgeous.

On Saturday, I decided it was time to check the mail. I had completely forgotten to check it...all week. And whaddaya know? I got a package!

You guys know how much I love getting packages, right? During Joe's deployment, I sent a bazillion care packages to him. Somewhere along the way, my fabulous SIL, Anna, sent me a care package. It was awesome! She also sent this one to me. =) And even though her last package had more goodies this one meant a bit more. Here's what she sent:

Sweetest card EVER, cocoa butter lotion, preggie pops (hallelujah!) and chocolate.

And - as she put it - "a pretty maternity dress to show off that bump!"

Oh, and please disregard the pile of laundry on the right...

The card was on top {and addressed to both of us, so we both read it} and I opened it first. She really must know I like cards and read them before opening any package. =) After I read the card, I was a bit teary-eyed. Then I opened the rest of the package...and pulled out the dress and told Joe, "I think I'm going to cry!" Then I proceeded to cry. Ah, hormones. They're really great. ;-)

Seriously, though, who thinks to send a prego care package?! I probably wouldn't have. And I'm fairly certain I didn't send her one when she was pregnant last time! It was very sweet and thoughtful. I feel pretty lucky to have gained a sister {yeah, I claim her even though she's Joe's sister ;-)} and friend like her when I married Joe. Actually, I think I really lucked out in the in-law department altogether.

Hope y'all are having a great week!

Day of Babies!!!

This morning, I woke up to two texts. The first one was from my BIL:

Your nephew was born at 8am! 6 lbs 5 ounces. Pictures soon!

The one from my MIL was about the same. Needless to say I couldn't go back to sleep after that. Luckily, I didn't check my phone until 0800 my time. =) I have mastered the art of sleeping through texts. This is actually a good thing because I get texts all hours of the night...and I've lived here for a year. You'd think people would learn...but no. In this case, texts at all hours of the night are allowed. ;-)

Allow me to introduce you to Baby C! 

{My poor little nephew still doesn't have a name. Poor guy.}

He has a full head of hair!!! I'm curious as to whether or not it really is curly. Anna has curly hair and Eden's (his big sister) is kinda curly but is more curly when it's wet. So I'm wondering if those curls are water-induced or not. =P And those cheeks are just perfect for auntie squishing!!! {Don't worry. I haven't done that...yet.}

After I found out about this little guy, I learned of other babies arriving today. In fact, I know of at least two more. One of Melissa's family members had her baby today, and another lady from FRG had her baby (though it was really early) today too! And I know of two babies who were born last week. Crazy, crazy!!!

As a side note, did anyone watch The Voice tonight?! I think I'm in love. ;-) I'm curious to see what the outcome of this show is and if these stars can really help someone "break into the business." 

I hope your week is off to a great start!!

Life & No Sleep

Okay, so I haven't been getting no sleep (hello, double negative!) but I haven't been sleeping well either. For the last week and a half, I've barely been able to sleep. And when I do get to sleep (around 0100) it's not very restful. Tossing and turning, wacky dreams... It's really hitting me hard. 


On Saturday, I attended the birthday party of a very cute 2 year old. =) I don't usually make a point to go to birthday parties, but...I figured since I'm good friends with his mama (Miranda) I would go. It was actually kind of fun... Especially since I wasn't required to take any hyper kids home! Haha! Really, though, it was nice to get out of my house and go to another part of the island. Not to mention hanging out with people I don't usually see. 


After the party, I came home and started working on the valance for the kitchen. On Friday I went to Ross and bought a rug and curtain rod for the kitchen. Then, I went to WalMart to purchase a valance that cost more than the rug or curtain rod. When I got home, I ever so nicely asked any FB friends here if I could borrow a drill. {Seriously, we have got to purchase one.}Saturday morning before the party, one friend dropped it off for me. Anyway... I fought and fought and fought with the stinkin' drill and screws. It literally took me about 2 hours to get it all straightened out. At one point, I really thought I was done. I went to put the rod up on the brackets and whaddaya know? They were too far apart. See, if I had actually looked at how big the rod was when I bought it [instead of focusing on the price tag: $6], I might have noticed that it wasn't quite the right size. Fail. So, I took the screws out again and moved the brackets closer together. It wasn't the ideal situation, but it's up there and it's done. Good enough for me.

I guess it doesn't look so bad after all. =P After that, I all but collapsed on the couch. Joe and I had a Skype date set, so I didn't want to fall asleep because I knew that I wouldn't wake up. In the meantime, I watched Date Night. Super cute movie!! I didn't laugh quite as much as I usually would have {hello sleep depravation} but it was freakin' hilarious. Highly recommend if you haven't seen it yet. 


My Easter was pretty good... As I told Joe, doing holidays solo is weird. This one was no different. I went to the 0945 service {way earlier than usual for me} because I knew that the 1130 service was going to be jam-packed. The one good thing about going to church solo is the good seating. It's much easier to find one seat up front than it is two or more. I was in the center of the second row. Yes! It was a really great service, and I was lucky enough to see a woman in front of me accept Christ. When she raised her hand during the "altar call" her family looked over at her and just started crying. Of course I started crying too. It just made me wonder...how long had her family been praying for her and asking her to go to church? In my service alone, 52 people were saved. That is one awesome Easter service if you ask me! 


After church, I called the fam. I talked to both my MIL and FIL for a little while... My mom called me later that afternoon to chat about the crazy weather. This is what's been going on there for like the past week. 

This is completely normal for the spring in what we like to call Tornado Alley. Luckily, no tornadoes have touched down where our families live. However, there was some rotation near my parents' house yesterday which is always kinda freaky. Like good Tornado Alley citizens, my parents (and probably my brother) were out on the porch. Oh, who am I kidding? I probably would have been on the porch too. =P


My favorite part of yesterday was after I posted a little Happy Easter photo of myself on FB. Ironically, the one springy skirt I own is a Hawaiian print. =P I didn't notice that until I took the photo. Anyway, I posted it and received a few compliments... Particularly one from Goodnight Moon about how great I looked. Safe to say that compliment made my day. ;-) My mom texted me later agreeing, so I started looking through pictures... 

I guess I knew that I've lost weight {since, you know, I've gone down a size} but it never really sunk in. Safe to say that I definitely look thinner these days. I guess I'm so focused on "Ugh, I need to lose weight!" that I haven't stopped to realize that I actually have! Well, not so much pounds, but I've definitely lost inches. Here's a fun fact for you: I weigh the same now at a size 8 (ish) as a did at a size 12. 'Cause that makes sense. So I give up on losing pounds. I focus on the inches.


In other news, my SIL posted some fan-freakin-tastic pictures of my niece and nephew today. Her bestie does a little photography...she's actually taken a lot of photos of my niece and this time she did a "cousins" photo. Anyway, I just want to brag that I have the cutest niece and nephew ever. ;-) And I get another nephew next month! 

Aren't they cute?! Kellan will be 11 {at least I'm pretty sure} this week, and Eden is 16 months. Eden looooooves her cousin. =) It's really cute. If my kids look even a tiny bit like these two, well, then I will have the cutest kids ever. Haha!

Well, that about covers my weekend. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wait for a Skype date and then pass out. I don't know if I'll ever catch up on sleep!