When Your Kid is...Different

 Over the past 6 months or so, we questioned whether or not Millie might have some differences that weren't just "normal kid" stuff. It was a slow progression from reading up on different parenting strategies (because nothing was working or even helping) to reading symptoms about other - treatable - issues. Joe would hear something on the radio or a podcast and tell me how it made him wonder the same about Millie. Or I would randomly come across an article and it would make me consider how it might fit Millie. Not that anything is really remarkably different about her....just little things here and there that add up when they're all put together.

One of the things I came across one day was about ADHD. I don't even remember the name of the article or website. All I remember was that Millie fit almost every single thing:

• Makes careless mistakes
• Doesn't seem to listen when spoken to
• Difficulty in sustaining attention during tasks or play
• Difficulty organizing tasks/activities (for Millie, this is cleaning a room)
• Avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in activities that require sustained mental effort
• Loses things necessary for tasks/activities (Millie has lost both of the lovies she had as a baby, but still "needs" for sleep and comfort)
• Easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
• Often forgetful in daily activities
• Often leaves seat when sitting is expected
• Often runs or climbs where inappropriate 
• Often unable to play or engage in leisure activities quietly (what IS quiet anymore?!)
• Often "on the go"; unable to remain still
• Talks excessively
• Blurts out answers before the question is finished
• Difficulty waiting and/or taking turns 
• Often interrupts or intrudes on others

There are different types of ADHD -- inattentive (formerly called ADD), hyperactive, and combined. After reading these and doing a bit more research, I decided to talk to our pediatrician about it. Both Millie and Abigail were due for well-checks, so I figured it was good timing. The day I took them was actually perfect. As I was talking to the doctor, Millie was moving around, unable to sit still, flopping back and forth, and then jumping off the small chair in the room (despite me asking her to stop about a dozen times). She said even though she'd been in the room just a little while with us, she could see what I was talking about. She gave me some forms to fill out for an evaluation, and we made an appointment with their counselor. Thanks be to God, they had an appointment available for THE NEXT DAY. It was nothing short of a miracle because she's booked up pretty quickly.

At the evaluation, the counselor asked me a million and one questions. I was prepared for some of them, while others had me really thinking and evaluating her behavior. Things that I thought were normal....weren't really. It threw me for a bit of a loop. After the barrage of questions and looking at the forms we'd filled out, our counselor/therapist diagnosed Millie with ADHD Combined and Sensory Processing Disorder. Then we were referred to Occupational Therapy for SPD, and back to the pediatrician to discuss medication (if we wanted).

Since the ADHD was at least partially expected, it was the SPD that threw me for a bit of a loop. Hearing the therapist talk about it made it make sense, and it surprised me that it had never occurred to me before that day. I knew she was sensitive to certain sounds. I knew she jumped on (or off of) all the things constantly. That's the reason she got a trampoline for her birthday from one of the grandparents! I knew she didn't like to be up high or held upside down. I knew she didn't like crowds. I knew she hated fireworks and thunder. I knew she struggled with getting her hair and face washed. I knew all of these things, yet I never put it together. 

When we took her for the OT evaluation, even more things came up. That is what they do, but some things I hadn't realized weren't normal. They were also able to confirm that she has a delay in her fine motor skills. Because she never wanted to sit down with me/us and learn (and couldn't stay focused) I never pushed it. I figured it was one of those things that would happen eventually, when she was ready. Except then she was nearly 5 and still not doing any of the things Charlotte (and most kids) could at this age. Honestly, that was a really hard pill for me to swallow.

It turns out, though, that as difficult as dealing with all of this is it's helped me to give her more grace. It's still hard and I still lose it sometimes when she's quite literally bouncing off the walls, yelling, squealing, or crying because she can't do a certain task. But it's made it easier for me to understand WHY this is happening and that she really isn't doing it on purpose. She's not trying to make things difficult for me, but things are most certainly difficult for her. 

ADHD effects the frontal lobe -- the decision making part of our brains. She quite literally can't think it through sometimes. She does things she knows she's not supposed to because her body is moving faster than her brain (not the other way around). She says everything (and I do mean everything) that pops into her little head because her brain doesn't have that filter. Sure this is common with kids, but when they start talking about something completely unrelated to the conversation or situation...it's obvious. There's so much more to it, too. Many people (including me, before doing research) have serious misconceptions about ADHD. The only problem with those misconceptions is that people believe that ADHD isn't "a thing," and is being overdiagnosed because of lazy parents. THAT is simply false. 

SPD often co-occurs with ADHD. SPD is another issue in the brain with the processing of all of the sensory input we get throughout the day.




We've seen some improvement since she started OT about a month ago. After a couple of weeks, she was already writing better (read: writing at all)! After a lot of deliberation, we also decided to try out some medication for her ADHD. It can kind of fill in the gaps where her neurotransmitters aren't working as they should. I've seen a HUGE improvement in her focus, listening ability, and memory recall. Even her OT mentioned it during therapy about 2 weeks ago! That was enough for me to feel better about giving it to her, even though it feels a little scary at times. 

It's been a wild ride the last couple of months. I'm grateful we have answers, and that all that we're learning is going to help her in the long run. It's definitely a marathon, though, and I'm already tired. Ha! 

I think the hardest part has really been talking to people about it. Medical professionals...fine. But people I know (other than Joe and my best friend, Melissa...:)) is really hard. Honestly, it's because of those stigmas and misconceptions people have about ADHD, and because SPD isn't really well-known unless you or someone in your family has it. It makes me feel like people are going to look at her a different way, or treat her differently because they see "something wrong" with her. There really isn't anything wrong. She was just built differently. Truth be told, I can look back at her infancy and see signs of SPD (if nothing else). She's always been different. She probably always will be different. And that's okay, because there's nothing wrong with being different.  

A Very Merry Birthday

Yesterday was sweet little Millie's birthday. 

It still seems crazy to me that she is a year old... I just can't figure out where the past year went!! I mean, seriously, didn't this just happen?

And now, we look like this!

The changes that happen over the span of a year will never cease to amaze me. 

***

Millie's birthday was pretty low-key. Our day went as usual until dinner time. Pop and Bossi got pizza for the birthday girl's dinner, and Mommy and Daddy got her a cookie cake!

We attempted cupcakes when we visited my side of the family for Thanksgiving, and she didn't go for them AT. ALL. The cookie, however....

Well, it seemed to go over pretty well. ;-) She even whined for some of my piece! I'm really glad she liked it so much, since I didn't really know what else to do for a little girl who wasn't won over by cupcakes! 

Then, of course, it was present time!

After dinner and present-opening, Millie got in on some fun times with her sister and cousins. She can't do much with them since they're so much bigger, but she loves playing with them. Thankfully, her cousin Eden does a good job taking care of her. 

All in all, I think she had a pretty great birthday. I felt so much pressure to have Charlotte's party just right, but I didn't feel that way with Millie's party. I think mostly because I know it's not the party, the presents, or the cake (or cookie) that really matters. We're surrounded by family, fun, and lots of laughs. What better way to celebrate a birthday?

Happy birthday, sweet Millie! I can't believe you've been with us for a whole year! While it feels like you've always been with us, it still also feels like we just brought you home from the hospital. (But without all of the late-night feedings. ;-)) You are the silliest, sweetest little girl, and you have taught us so much already. You love to laugh, play with (and pester) your sister, feed the dog, get into things you're not supposed to, and explore. You are so different from your sister, and yet sometimes so similar. But that's okay, because you are you, and we love you the way you are, sweet Millie-willie. ;-) I hope you always have a smile on your face, and will always be close to your big sister....no matter how much she tries to smother you with her bear hugs. Happy Birthday to our Rainbow. We love you so much!

8 Months of Millie

Geez, you guys. How is my itty bitty baby already 8 months old? How is she sitting up, babbling, and crawling. Like...when did this happen?! Where did my squishy newborn go?!

I can't believe it's gone so fast. The first few months of her little life were not easy, that's for sure. And I know there were days I longed for us to be at this place already. But somewhere between the "someone save me" days and the "I think we're doing okay" days, time sped up and here we are.

Bam. Just like that - 8 months old. Although I miss her squishy little newborn self, I absolutely love seeing her little personality come out. She is too much fun! She's quite a bit more reserved than Charlotte is, but sometimes I think that's just because she's watching Charlotte. When it's just her and I in the afternoon (while big sis is sleeping), she does tend to be pretty vocal.

She is giggly, but only when she wants to be. Which is usually when she's one-on-one with me or Joe. It's really hard to get a giggle out of her if she's got everyone's attention. Sometimes I think she's going to be a little more like me, in that she kind of needs time to come around to new people/situations. She also doesn't like to be held 24/7 - she needs her space.

She's been sitting like a champ for....a while now. I have no idea when she actually started being able to sit up on her own. I was propping her up with the boppy for a while...and then I noticed she was sort of sitting up in the bouncy seat one day. And then I just kind of sat her on the couch after feeding her, and....what do you know? She could sit up! So much different than with Charlotte, haha! Funny how you stress less over these things with the second baby.

She's also doing things like this now - sitting up in bed, playing, waiting for me to get her up from a nap. And sometimes she'll do something crazy like pull up on her knees. Stop it, kid. I'm not ready for that just yet.

Oh, and? She crawls now. It was fun to see her learn to do this. I don't really remember when Charlotte learned how to crawl. With her, it was like one day she'd just lay on her tummy on the floor, and the next she was crawling. Millie, however, would get up on all fours, rock, and then launch herself. Then, she'd end up sort of scooting backward. Last week, she started sort of crawling. She'd get her knees under her, put one forward, and then fall down. (It was kind of funny....ha!) And then, this past weekend something just clicked and she was off! It's been so fun to see her get mobile, although I will admit I have to keep a closer eye on her and other things now.

One of my most favorite things is seeing how the bond between my two girlies has grown and changed. It's not always easy or fun (for me or them), but they love each other so much already. Charlotte has always been concerned about Millie. When Millie cries, Charlotte has always made sure that she has what she needed. In the beginning, it was me or a pacifier, then Charlotte started bringing her all of her toys. And now, Charlotte will pat her on the back, and give her a hug and a kiss. Millie loves playing with Charlotte. She has always been able to get the biggest smiles out of Millie. And now that they can play together, she is all kinds of happy!

Of course, it doesn't always go well... Sometimes Charlotte will take a toy from Millie, or Millie will pull Charlotte's hair or something. But that's really just part of it. Now that Millie is mobile, I feel like they are closer. They can play together, sit in the floor and watch cartoons, have a tea party... You name it. It's really one of the sweetest things ever.

I wasn't sure if we'd ever be able to adjust to having two babies there in the beginning.... And now? Well, I'm not sure what we'd be doing without this cute, smiley baby!

We love you, sweet Millie-girl! I hope you're always as sweet and happy as you are now. :*

Little Miss Millie

Time with this girl has been a bit of a paradox. The first two (ish) months seemed to crawl by. Once we conquered colic and got a decent nap routine going (and daddy came back), it seems like time has just flown! Now, all of a sudden, she's trying to sit up, blowing raspberries at us, rolling over, and all sorts of things. How did this happen!?

Seriously, though, this girl is one big bundle of cute. Looking back at pictures, she looks almost identical to Charlotte. Except for those squishy cheeks and rolly thighs. But OMG I love them!

I have no idea how long she is, or how much she weighs. Her 6 month checkup is next week, and I'm looking forward to it! (Minus the shots, of course. Hate those.) That said, she's very solidly in 6 month clothes. 3 month dresses still fit, but I'm pretty sure that's just because they're dresses. I put her in a pair of 9 month sleepers the other day....and, um, they kinda fit. Ack! She's not quite long enough for them yet, but....it does work. *sigh* We also just started putting her in size 3 diapers. Let me share something real quick: Charlotte is in SIZE 4 diapers. Let that one sink in a minute, okay?

Alright. Now, moving on.

This little miss is a champion nurser! She eats every 3-4 hours now, and takes good naps in between. (Hallelujah, praise the Lord!) We just started trying some oatmeal a few days ago, and it's going pretty well so far. She's been sleeping through the night for about a month or two now, and I am immensely enjoying a full night's sleep! Occasionally she will wake up in the middle of the night, but it's usually because she's rolled over in her sleep and woken herself up. I'm just thankful we've said goodbye to those 2am feedings. Mama needs rest, y'all.

Here we have one of Millie-girl's favorite pass-times: finger sucking. Mostly, it signifies a need for sleep. However, she will also shove those things in her mouth super quick-like if she's really hungry. It's pretty funny when I'm getting ready to feed her, but I'm not quick enough for her liking and she shoves her fingers in her mouth instead. LOL! 

Another favorite activity: toe-nomming. ;-) She can be found doing this anytime she's in an upright position and no toys are available to chew on. 

The rest of the time, she's usually chilling out and watching her big sister do any number of silly things. She loves the exersaucer, and tolerates the door jumper. During tummy time, she tries to get her knees up under her, and will rock back and forth for a few seconds. Or she'll roll over. She will chew on anything she can get into her mouth, including Mommy's hair. 

She will blow raspberries during feedings, after feedings, when she's upset, when she's happy, and when she has something to say. Basically? This is the coolest sound ever! Also, as you can see in the picture, she randomly spits up. :P But she has pretty blue eyes and a silly, sweet smile, so we overlook that little tidbit. 

It's hard to believe this little girl has been a part of our family for a whopping 6 months now. Even crazier is the thought that she'll be 1 by the end of this year! The first few months of her life were incredibly challenging, but I don't know what I'd do without this sweetie-pea. She brings a little extra sweetness to our lives that I just didn't know was missing before. 

I love every single ounce of this baby, and I can't get enough of her sweet smiles, giggles, raspberries, and squishy cheeks!!

Growing, Growing Baby

Let's talk about this itty bitty girl of mine. 

Well, first of all, she's not really that itty bitty anymore. In fact, she's catching up to her big sister rather quickly. And holy cow, she's 4. months. old. 

That picture captures Millie's personality pretty darn well. Now that we've passed the colic phase (thank you, Jesus!), she's pretty happy most of the time. She's always moving, and chewing on her fingers.

She spends a lot of time in the bouncy seat...which is pretty much her favorite place. She's starting grasping toys, and bringing them to her mouth. She can roll from tummy to back, and from back to her side. So close to doing both! She's getting very vocal, which is no surprise. ;-) And she's starting blowing raspberries lately which is pretty much the cutest thing ever.

I mean, seriously. Look at that face!

Her sleeping is much better than it used to be, and I hope we're beginning to have some sort of schedule! I know a lot of people buck against having a schedule for their babies, but it's really harder for me to not have one. And I'm not super strict about it. I just need that routine! And since Charlotte does so well with it, I'm totally cool with doing it with Millie too. 

She's a nursing pro, and would probably nurse all day if her tummy would allow it, lol! She loves to suck on her fingers, too. She's not quite as good at getting her thumb in her mouth... I'm starting to wonder if she's going to be a finger sucker instead of a thumb sucker. Only time will tell!

What else can I say about this girl? She's sweet, happy, cuddly, and slightly noisy. ;-) Looking very much like a chunky version of her sister, and a brunette version of her mama. We love this smiley girl so stinking much! {And so do the ladies in the church nursery, LOL! She's quite the little charmer. :)}

The {Birth} Story of Millie

On Saturday morning (the 21st), I woke up with some contractions. I was all set to go to the hospital and then.... They faded - completely. So instead of heading to the hospital, I headed to town for groceries. Afterward, I unknowingly snapped my very last pregnant picture. =)

I spent the rest of the afternoon frustrated, eating pineapple, and attempting to bounce on my exercise ball. Kinda hard to do with a toddler around!! Nothing was happening, so I made dinner, we gave Charlotte a bath and put her to bed. 

The contractions came back after that, and I seriously considered going to the hospital again. I even texted our babysitter and my MIL to let them know the situation. Once again, nothing happened. The contractions slowed down and then stopped by the time I got ready for bed. 

Then around midnight I started having contractions about every 20 minutes or so. They weren't too bad, but they were kind of annoying since I was trying to get some rest and all. Around 3am I decided just to get up and move to the living room. I didn't want to wake Joe if the contractions were just going to go away again, and I thought the exercise ball might help with the pain. (Which it did.) I spent the next 2 hours doing random stuff around the house, bouncing on the ball, and leaning on the kitchen counters during contractions. A little after 5, I was so tired and out of things to do, so I headed back to bed. The contractions slowed down a bit so I could get some rest, but they were getting fairly strong. I think I ended up waking Joe around 7, and then Charlotte woke up so we all got up and had breakfast. Or attempted to...

Halfway through breakfast I felt like I might vomit. It was at that point I decided we really should go to the hospital. We texted the babysitter and called my MIL. It took the babysitter (which was actually a couple from our small group at church and their 2.5 yr old son) about 20 minutes to get here, so we got ready while we waited. Surprisingly, I was still able to move around and do stuff. Charlotte kept asking me if I was okay during contractions - "Okay, mommy?" It was seriously the cutest thing ever. She is such a sweetie. =) She almost had a meltdown as we left for the hospital, but thankfully she's easily distracted.

I had one strong contraction on the way to the hospital, and another as soon as I got out of the car to walk in. (Yes. I walked in. Because I'm stubborn and was determined to walk that baby out!) Once we got in L&D and into a room, the nurse asked me about a gazillion questions, and finally checked my cervix. 

I walked into the hospital dilated to 7cm.

Joe was shocked. LOL! I'm pretty sure my nurse was shocked, but she hid it pretty well. I had a feeling I was at least 5cm, but you just never know. So, obviously, I got admitted and we got prepped to have a baby!

After being in early-ish labor for about a day, I was totally ready to have this baby!

I don't think Daddy was quite as prepared as I was. ;-)

I'm assuming that they set up our room so quickly since I was already at 7cm. 

My nurse and the baby's nurse felt pretty certain I'd have her by lunch time. But babies come when they come, and Millie was in no hurry to make her entrance. Yet.

Unfortunately, my OB was not on call this weekend. Her call started the next day...so I was seen by her "partner". He seemed nice enough, but I was kind of upset that my fantastic OB was going to miss this. But, my nurse, Carman, was pretty awesome so that helped make up for it. She made sure I was able to do as many things on my birth plan as possible. A lot of women go there for natural births (since they're the most "baby-friendly" hospital in the area), so that was really nice.

Once I dilated a bit more, I was able to sit on their labor ball. I was on that thing for most of the afternoon. I bounced and rocked back and forth, and side to side. Between that and having Joe put counter-pressure on my back during contractions, I'm not sure I would have made it. Not only does the rocking help with contractions, bouncing (and just sitting on it) helps the baby's head get into the right place. 

After an hour or two on the ball, I started to get really uncomfortable. My nurse helped me change positions - or just stand up, leaning on Joe - several times. Not long before Millie was born, I ended up leaning over the back of the bed, squatting into each contraction. No lie - it was hard work. But it really did help with the pain. There's also something to be said for controlled breathing. It hurt so much worse when I wasn't taking deep breaths.

I also had Joe pray for me/us several times while we were there. Not just for the pain aspect, but also that her birth would be expedient. I was getting tired, and I was really ready to meet her and just be done. 

At some point between getting off the ball and back on the bed, my nurse checked me. I hadn't dilated much, but I had started to feel lots of pressure. We considered going ahead and telling the on-call doctor to come in, but I'm not sure if we ever reached a decision. What I do remember is this:

I got back in bed, laying on my side. The contractions got way more intense and closer together. So much so, that I could hardly think. At some point, I started feeling the "ring of fire." I mentioned it to my nurse (who hadn't left my side in a while) and I'm pretty sure she left the room to call the doctor at that point. Everything is hazy because I was completely in "labor land." 

Soon after, my nurse started telling me not to push and to try and breathe through the contractions differently. I completely understand why she didn't want me to push yet (no doctor!), but telling a woman who feels the urge to push to not push should be considered torture. At that point, I got a little cranky. I distinctly remember telling her to stop pressing on the monitor on my belly because it hurt so much. I think I asked her to stop several times. Joe was in the bed with me, putting counter-pressure on my back still, and reminding me to breathe. I can't tell you how many times I told both of them that I couldn't not push. It hurt to not push. And really, my body was doing 95% of the work. I wasn't voluntarily doing it, it was just happening - kind of like instinct, I guess.

Eventually, I think my nurse got the gist that this baby was coming whether the doctor was here or not. I remember her all but running to the door, and yelling at the nurses' station, "Someone make sure Dr. Charity is on his way!" I really wanted to laugh, but, you know...contractions, baby in the birth canal and all. Next thing I know (as my body is still doing most of the pushing), I'm surrounded by nurses, and 2 of them are trying to flip me to my back. This hurt like crazy, first of all. I think I may have yelled at them, but I don't remember what I said. LOL! I remember my nurse telling me to push 3 times. Twice for her head, once for her little body. And there she was. I felt her little arms and legs flop onto my legs, because they didn't even have time to break down the bed for her arrival. 3 pushes, you guys. My body did all the work before that. Amazing. And seriously, what relief I felt after she was born! All the other natural/drug-free birth stories I've read talk about this high you get...I was totally there. =)

I had wanted a mirror to see her birth, but obviously things happened to quickly for that. I also had wanted to delay clamping/cutting her cord, but we weren't able to for two reasons: 1) A nurse delivered her instead of a doctor, so they followed 'protocol.' 2) Her cord was wrapped around her neck twice, so they wanted to make sure she was okay. After that, the doctor walked in. Then the baby nurse (who was fantastic, by the way) handed me my vernix-covered little girl for some skin-to-skin time.

Yes, I made Joe snap a shot of our first feeding.

I look like a hot mess, but that's what happens when you birth a baby. ;-)

I can't remember how long we got to hang out like that, but after just a few minutes she started bobbing her head and making her way to the breast for her first feeding! This moment was second only to pushing her out. It felt so great to be able to have that time, and for her to feed all on her own.

The only downside of her fast, non-medicated birth is that I did end up tearing this time, and so needed stitches. I can honestly say I have never disliked a doctor more in that period of time than I did this guy. He was not very gentle (unlike the OB that I hand-picked), and apparently he didn't realize that most redheads need more medicine to actually get numb that other people do. I had to tell him repeatedly that I could feel what he was doing. 

Overall, I feel great about her birth. I feel great about myself - knowing that my body can do this without any help. I also feel so much better physically than I did after Charlotte's birth. The recovery has been different because of the tear, but I feel so much more myself this time - and not in a haze from all the drugs.

Daddy and Millie =)

Thanks to my doctor, who stopped by the next morning, we were able to go home after only 24 hours in the hospital. That, my friends, is another upside to having a non-medicated birth! 

Took my rainbow baby home in her rainbow blanket from Auntie Anna!

Things have been great and also difficult since being home... We had help for the first week, but now we're on our own! I know we'll get the hang of having two littles eventually, but right now it's a roller coaster. So, we'd appreciate your prayers! 

We are so thankful to have this little rainbow baby of ours...and also for her big sister, who has been very sweet to her. Perfect way to end the year. =)