I don't normally air "dirty laundry" on the blog, but this is something I just need to get out for my own mental well-being. And hopefully a few of you will have some good, helpful advice for me too!
As when most people do, once I found out I was pregnant {and told the family} the planning began. Planning for decorations, clothes, and when people are coming to visit. My mom is a paraprofessional at an elementary school and since the baby is coming during the school calendar, it isn't really possible for her to come. As some of you know, teachers don't get vacation days and they only get a few sick days a year. So my parents plan to come in June, after the school year is well over. After learning this, my MIL graciously offered to come right after the baby is born to help out. I was over the moon excited because I know I will be needing some help! I'm no newbie when it comes to babies, but I hear it's a little different when they're your own. ;-) Obviously, I accepted her offer.
I was a bit nervous about telling my mom the news, but I prayed she'd understand. When I told her, the conversation went very well. I know she was a little sad she couldn't make it, but I assured her it'd be fine. I didn't want to be upset when there was nothing I could really do about it anyway. I guess this is one of the things I've learned being a milspouse. There are just some things you can't control and being upset about it doesn't do anyone any good. So, anyway, I thought that was the end of discussion about who was coming when.
Until a couple days ago. Mom texted me asking how long Joe's mom would be here and when his dad would come. I didn't really think much of it {other than that it was a little odd} and told her that my MIL will be here for 2 weeks and my FIL will come for probably a week in there somewhere. I got little response and it didn't cross my mind again. Until yesterday morning. I got the joy of waking up to a text that went something like this:
I'm upset because you said you wanted your MIL to come care for you when the baby's born... Sometimes I feel like you left your family behind when you got married...
There was a bit more to it, but that's the gist of it. I automatically locked my phone and didn't think much about it. Or tried not to. When Joe got back from PT, I showed it to him to see what he thought. Since I wasn't feeling well, he offered to call her and tell her that the way she was feeling wasn't necessarily what was true. Sadly, his conversation with her didn't go so well. I suppose I can understand why, but I think she should know {at least by now} that he knows how I feel and what I think just as well as I do. Anyway, after she talked to him she texted me... Even though I learned later that Joe had said he'd talk to me when he got home and then I'd call her if I was feeling well. That alone irritated me. We talked when he finally got home and I called her because I basically wanted to be done with this issue. It'd been bothering me all day... I was upset and worried and...everything I should not be right now.
So I called. Joe says it went better than his conversation with her, but I'm not so sure. I told her that, no, I did not accept my MIL's offer to come after the baby was born until after I knew that she wouldn't be able to. She apparently doesn't believe this but then said that she wanted me to know that she'd come if I
To be honest, I don't really care who comes after Baby gets here. The one person that I'd be very, truly upset if they weren't here is Joe. And he'll be here, so I'm fine. Will it be easier if my mom or MIL were here to help me afterward? Absolutely! But I'm not going to beg anyone to come help me, and I'm certainly not going to put anyone in a difficult financial situation. Nor will I be upset about something I can't control. So, I can't tell her what she wants to hear. I can't validate her... And I honestly don't think it's right for her to put me in that position.
I don't know what to do now. She ended the conversation before I could try to make her really see my point of view. Which, I guess is relatively normal when we have arguments/disagreements. All she wanted out of that conversation was to make me say something and when I didn't do it, she was done. I want to have a good relationship with my mom {and my family}, but I can't be responsible for validating her feelings. I won't apologize for the way I feel.
I didn't even touch on the "I feel like you left your family behind" portion, because that's just blowing all this up. You guys know that when I got married I moved to NC with Joe. I did it because - wait for it - I wanted to. I always wanted to move after I graduated college. Sure, Joe put NC in my brain, but I was okay with it. My family, however, wasn't {and apparently still isn't} okay with me moving. Why? Mainly because that's the central location of Joe's family. Nevermind that we'd have someone close by to help us out if we needed it, they stayed focused on the sole fact that his family would be there.
She says things like this without recognizing the fact that she and Dad have never, ever come to visit us. Not one single time. I'd bet a million dollars {that I obviously don't have} that the only reason they're coming next summer is because of Baby. Yup. I said it. It's Joe's parents that have made an effort to come see us, no matter where we lived. Meanwhile, my parents travel to Vegas every year and don't come to see me. Now you see why I didn't bother bringing that up.
I don't know what to do. I prayed about it all day yesterday and I do feel a certain peace...if only that it's okay for me to feel and think the way I do. I don't know how to make this better. I've always been at odds with my parents over the years, but I thought I was done with all this. I suppose the better part about it now is that I don't live in the same house and I live far enough away to let it be for a while before really needing to hash it all out.
Just say a prayer for me so that I'll be able to figure this all out. I do not need this right now. I should be happy and only thinking about the happy future of my little family. Instead, I have my mom creating issues that shouldn't even be there. And if you have any advice, I'll take it! I'm at a loss.
Oh, and today's the last day to cast your gender vote! My ultrasound is tomorrow! Eeeek! =D
