Birth: Pain Free vs. Drug Free

Looking back on both of my girls' births, I can't help but compare them. They are drastically different, and that difference really kind of surprises me. 

From the beginning of Millie's pregnancy, I knew I wanted to try for an all-natural (drug free) birth. My doctors induced me with Charlotte because of my gestational diabetes, and also because I had some hypertension. It definitely wasn't what I wanted, but truthfully, I wasn't prepared to fight them on it. I did get them to wait an extra week before inducing, but that was as much fight as I had in me. Most of that I think was that Joe was in WLC, and unable to go with me and help me 'fight' them.

I really did want to try and avoid having an epidural with Charlotte. But with induction comes lots of medications and interventions. Even though I wasn't induced with the ever-feared Pitocin, they were still forcing my body to do something it wasn't ready to do yet. And once I hit transition, I was pretty miserable. I couldn't get out of bed (which still frustrates me), so there wasn't much I could do on my own to help relieve the pain. Eventually, I asked for an epidural. When the anesthesiologist couldn't come in a few minutes, I asked for pain killers. That is something I still wish I hadn't done. The epidural was fantastic, but the pain killers were basically useless. All they did was make me sleepy, which isn't something you need when you're in active labor in the middle of the night!

I ended up pushing for 2 hours, which now I think is mostly because I couldn't feel anything. Sure, I could feel the pressure of her moving, but I couldn't actually feel how/where she was moving. The plus side to that was that my body had time to stretch, and I didn't tear.

I didn't notice it then, but there were plenty of downsides to having a "pain free" birth:

Charlotte was so sleepy. She was pretty alert after her birth, but she was still groggy - too groggy to nurse before they cleaned her up. She was so sleepy that we had to wake her for feedings. I wonder now if that's why she developed jaundice while we were in the hospital.

I was sleepy. Birth itself is tiring, but the medicine made me plain exhausted. I thought that I was just tired from giving birth, but the truth is it isn't that tiring. I felt like a zombie. 

I was smiling, but I was asleep on the inside. Haha:)

I also had a little bit of difficulty walking - even to the bathroom - while we were in the hospital. 

Part of me also wonders if my "baby blues" were fueled by the drugs I had while in labor. I was so incredibly emotional.

Whereas, with Millie...

I went into labor on my own at 39 weeks - a full week longer than I was pregnant with Charlotte. I was in labor much longer, but I felt that the contractions were far less painful.

Taken while I was in labor. Do I look totally miserable to you?! Nope. ;-)

I did have an IV placed (for saline), but I could move around with help from my nurse. Changing positions, having Joe put counter pressure on my lower back, and using the labor/exercise ball helped tremendously.

I pushed 3 times. The actual I'm-doing-this-on-my-own pushes lasted mere minutes. My body did most of the work before the nurse was actually telling me to push. 

I did tear this time, but mostly because I went from 8.5cm to pushing in less than an hour. My body just didn't have time to stretch properly.

Millie nursed for about half an hour, less than an hour after she was born, while we were doing skin-to-skin. She started rooting and bobbing her head, all on her own. She needed very little assistance. 

Taken probably 10 minutes after she was born.

She was also very, very alert. We didn't have to start waking her for feedings until we came home from the hospital. Even then, the times we woke her were few and far between.

The biggest difference: I felt great. I mean, yeah, I hurt pretty badly from tearing and being stitched. Otherwise, I felt great - especially mentally. I was tired, but I wasn't exhausted. I was up and walking after Millie finished her first feeding.

It has taken me longer to heal because of the tear, but in every other way I felt so much better after giving birth. And it makes me wish I had been able to do it this way with Charlotte, too!

The difference in how I've felt this time makes me want this kind of birth for everyone. It's just so much better. It makes far more of a difference in how I feel - and how my baby feels - than I ever imagined. Sure, an epidural would have been nice. Who doesn't want to be pain-free!? But the pain of contractions is completely manageable, especially if you take the time to educate yourself on natural ways to handle it.

Am I totally against drugs during labor? No. It's kind of hard to say that after having them with Charlotte. Do I wish I hadn't had them the first time? Absolutely. Whatever anyone says, babies do get that medication in their system, and it does make them groggy. There are even chances of other things happening, but I'm not into fear-mongering. (All you have to do is Google the risks of having an epidural anyway. The information is out there, you just have to look for it.) 

Barring extreme circumstances, I think everyone is capable of having a drug-free birth. And I encourage it! It's empowering. I thought I felt superwoman after having Charlotte...and I felt even more so after birthing Millie with no drugs! I wish that for every woman, because our bodies can do amazing things!

The {Birth} Story of Millie

On Saturday morning (the 21st), I woke up with some contractions. I was all set to go to the hospital and then.... They faded - completely. So instead of heading to the hospital, I headed to town for groceries. Afterward, I unknowingly snapped my very last pregnant picture. =)

I spent the rest of the afternoon frustrated, eating pineapple, and attempting to bounce on my exercise ball. Kinda hard to do with a toddler around!! Nothing was happening, so I made dinner, we gave Charlotte a bath and put her to bed. 

The contractions came back after that, and I seriously considered going to the hospital again. I even texted our babysitter and my MIL to let them know the situation. Once again, nothing happened. The contractions slowed down and then stopped by the time I got ready for bed. 

Then around midnight I started having contractions about every 20 minutes or so. They weren't too bad, but they were kind of annoying since I was trying to get some rest and all. Around 3am I decided just to get up and move to the living room. I didn't want to wake Joe if the contractions were just going to go away again, and I thought the exercise ball might help with the pain. (Which it did.) I spent the next 2 hours doing random stuff around the house, bouncing on the ball, and leaning on the kitchen counters during contractions. A little after 5, I was so tired and out of things to do, so I headed back to bed. The contractions slowed down a bit so I could get some rest, but they were getting fairly strong. I think I ended up waking Joe around 7, and then Charlotte woke up so we all got up and had breakfast. Or attempted to...

Halfway through breakfast I felt like I might vomit. It was at that point I decided we really should go to the hospital. We texted the babysitter and called my MIL. It took the babysitter (which was actually a couple from our small group at church and their 2.5 yr old son) about 20 minutes to get here, so we got ready while we waited. Surprisingly, I was still able to move around and do stuff. Charlotte kept asking me if I was okay during contractions - "Okay, mommy?" It was seriously the cutest thing ever. She is such a sweetie. =) She almost had a meltdown as we left for the hospital, but thankfully she's easily distracted.

I had one strong contraction on the way to the hospital, and another as soon as I got out of the car to walk in. (Yes. I walked in. Because I'm stubborn and was determined to walk that baby out!) Once we got in L&D and into a room, the nurse asked me about a gazillion questions, and finally checked my cervix. 

I walked into the hospital dilated to 7cm.

Joe was shocked. LOL! I'm pretty sure my nurse was shocked, but she hid it pretty well. I had a feeling I was at least 5cm, but you just never know. So, obviously, I got admitted and we got prepped to have a baby!

After being in early-ish labor for about a day, I was totally ready to have this baby!

I don't think Daddy was quite as prepared as I was. ;-)

I'm assuming that they set up our room so quickly since I was already at 7cm. 

My nurse and the baby's nurse felt pretty certain I'd have her by lunch time. But babies come when they come, and Millie was in no hurry to make her entrance. Yet.

Unfortunately, my OB was not on call this weekend. Her call started the next day...so I was seen by her "partner". He seemed nice enough, but I was kind of upset that my fantastic OB was going to miss this. But, my nurse, Carman, was pretty awesome so that helped make up for it. She made sure I was able to do as many things on my birth plan as possible. A lot of women go there for natural births (since they're the most "baby-friendly" hospital in the area), so that was really nice.

Once I dilated a bit more, I was able to sit on their labor ball. I was on that thing for most of the afternoon. I bounced and rocked back and forth, and side to side. Between that and having Joe put counter-pressure on my back during contractions, I'm not sure I would have made it. Not only does the rocking help with contractions, bouncing (and just sitting on it) helps the baby's head get into the right place. 

After an hour or two on the ball, I started to get really uncomfortable. My nurse helped me change positions - or just stand up, leaning on Joe - several times. Not long before Millie was born, I ended up leaning over the back of the bed, squatting into each contraction. No lie - it was hard work. But it really did help with the pain. There's also something to be said for controlled breathing. It hurt so much worse when I wasn't taking deep breaths.

I also had Joe pray for me/us several times while we were there. Not just for the pain aspect, but also that her birth would be expedient. I was getting tired, and I was really ready to meet her and just be done. 

At some point between getting off the ball and back on the bed, my nurse checked me. I hadn't dilated much, but I had started to feel lots of pressure. We considered going ahead and telling the on-call doctor to come in, but I'm not sure if we ever reached a decision. What I do remember is this:

I got back in bed, laying on my side. The contractions got way more intense and closer together. So much so, that I could hardly think. At some point, I started feeling the "ring of fire." I mentioned it to my nurse (who hadn't left my side in a while) and I'm pretty sure she left the room to call the doctor at that point. Everything is hazy because I was completely in "labor land." 

Soon after, my nurse started telling me not to push and to try and breathe through the contractions differently. I completely understand why she didn't want me to push yet (no doctor!), but telling a woman who feels the urge to push to not push should be considered torture. At that point, I got a little cranky. I distinctly remember telling her to stop pressing on the monitor on my belly because it hurt so much. I think I asked her to stop several times. Joe was in the bed with me, putting counter-pressure on my back still, and reminding me to breathe. I can't tell you how many times I told both of them that I couldn't not push. It hurt to not push. And really, my body was doing 95% of the work. I wasn't voluntarily doing it, it was just happening - kind of like instinct, I guess.

Eventually, I think my nurse got the gist that this baby was coming whether the doctor was here or not. I remember her all but running to the door, and yelling at the nurses' station, "Someone make sure Dr. Charity is on his way!" I really wanted to laugh, but, you know...contractions, baby in the birth canal and all. Next thing I know (as my body is still doing most of the pushing), I'm surrounded by nurses, and 2 of them are trying to flip me to my back. This hurt like crazy, first of all. I think I may have yelled at them, but I don't remember what I said. LOL! I remember my nurse telling me to push 3 times. Twice for her head, once for her little body. And there she was. I felt her little arms and legs flop onto my legs, because they didn't even have time to break down the bed for her arrival. 3 pushes, you guys. My body did all the work before that. Amazing. And seriously, what relief I felt after she was born! All the other natural/drug-free birth stories I've read talk about this high you get...I was totally there. =)

I had wanted a mirror to see her birth, but obviously things happened to quickly for that. I also had wanted to delay clamping/cutting her cord, but we weren't able to for two reasons: 1) A nurse delivered her instead of a doctor, so they followed 'protocol.' 2) Her cord was wrapped around her neck twice, so they wanted to make sure she was okay. After that, the doctor walked in. Then the baby nurse (who was fantastic, by the way) handed me my vernix-covered little girl for some skin-to-skin time.

Yes, I made Joe snap a shot of our first feeding.

I look like a hot mess, but that's what happens when you birth a baby. ;-)

I can't remember how long we got to hang out like that, but after just a few minutes she started bobbing her head and making her way to the breast for her first feeding! This moment was second only to pushing her out. It felt so great to be able to have that time, and for her to feed all on her own.

The only downside of her fast, non-medicated birth is that I did end up tearing this time, and so needed stitches. I can honestly say I have never disliked a doctor more in that period of time than I did this guy. He was not very gentle (unlike the OB that I hand-picked), and apparently he didn't realize that most redheads need more medicine to actually get numb that other people do. I had to tell him repeatedly that I could feel what he was doing. 

Overall, I feel great about her birth. I feel great about myself - knowing that my body can do this without any help. I also feel so much better physically than I did after Charlotte's birth. The recovery has been different because of the tear, but I feel so much more myself this time - and not in a haze from all the drugs.

Daddy and Millie =)

Thanks to my doctor, who stopped by the next morning, we were able to go home after only 24 hours in the hospital. That, my friends, is another upside to having a non-medicated birth! 

Took my rainbow baby home in her rainbow blanket from Auntie Anna!

Things have been great and also difficult since being home... We had help for the first week, but now we're on our own! I know we'll get the hang of having two littles eventually, but right now it's a roller coaster. So, we'd appreciate your prayers! 

We are so thankful to have this little rainbow baby of ours...and also for her big sister, who has been very sweet to her. Perfect way to end the year. =)

Making the Switch

A while back I decided I'd write up a post about why I chose to go off-post for OB care this time around. Well, I never got around to it, and then all this stuff with the doctor/hospital I chose came up, and now I feel like I need to talk about it. :)

To start things off, the Army hospital here is more like a clinic than an actual hospital. What I've heard is that they only do procedures/surgeries if it's a life-or-death kind of thing. {The dental clinic won't even do wisdom teeth removals unless they have to.} They also don't have a L&D ward. So, um....okay. They do have an OB/GYN clinic, but they use a local hospital for deliveries. There are a couple reasons I didn't use their clinic, but I also figured that if I can't even deliver there (making the chances of knowing the doctor who will deliver the baby even more slim), what's the point?

I did a minute amount of research on a local spouses page, and found some recommendations for OBs. Slightly more research and decided on one. Her main office (and the hospital) are both downtown, which is a good 30 minute drive from our house. Not terrible - and definitely better than Hawaii - but if there were any amount of traffic, it wouldn't be a fun ride in labor. But, I liked the doctor. She's fairly young (probably mid-30s), kind, and attentive. Her nurse, and the rest of the staff are pretty nice as well. (Except for one idiot who had the audacity to ask me "where's the other kid?" when I told her this was my 3rd pregnancy, but I only have 1 baby. GRRRRRR.)

And then I started asking questions about hospital policy regarding birth/newborns.... 

I shared this in my bumpdate this week, but it turns out that the hospital has pretty rigid standards about babies going to the nursery. Not just for a bath, weight checks, etc., but every day for the pediatrician to do rounds. Depending on how many babies there are, this could take a few hours. And there's a minimum 2 hour requirement for the baby to be observed after birth. Um, what?! Maybe it's just because I had Charlotte in a "baby-friendly" hospital that didn't have a nursery, but this is just not okay with me! As I was talking with other people, apparently this is a common practice...especially in the South. I feel sort of silly about it because, hi, I grew up in the South. Shouldn't I be somewhat aware of this?

I did talk to my OB about these things, and she confirmed the nursery nightmare. {Well, it's a nightmare for me, anyway.} Even though she did say they are starting to make changes to become "baby-friendly," I just don't know that I can risk it and end up with a fight on my hands come baby day. There are some things I can compromise on, but I just can't on this. I really want a similar experience to what I had with Charlotte, and I think I should get that. And if I can't find it at one place, it's okay to go somewhere that I can. I should probably also say that Joe and I have discussed it quite a bit recently. From cord-clamping to rooming-in, he's heard it all. And when I told him about the nursery stuff, he was on the verge of tears. {Totally not even kidding, and I love this about him.} So even if I could have compromised on it, his reaction sealed the deal for me. 

I called a different OB - very highly recommended for a more natural approach - this afternoon and left a message to make an appointment. The girls who suggested her to me (one currently pregnant) said that she's 100% on-board with delaying cord clamping, and skin-to-skin right after birth to promote breastfeeding. The hospital she delivers at is totally baby friendly, and they do all exams in the room. *insert happy sigh of relief here* Also, this hospital is 15, 20 mins tops, from our house. SCORE!

As much as I hate to swap doctors "mid-stream," I feel like we need a doctor (and a hospital) that will allow us to have the kind of birth experience and postpartum/newborn care that we want. I know that not everyone thinks that having their baby sent off to the nursery for a while is a big deal, and that's okay for them. We're just not those people, and I don't feel like we're really asking for a whole lot. :)