It's been a while since I mentioned my mom coming to visit. She was here for 4 days last week. Yup, 4. And somehow during that short time, she managed to push all my buttons and things in our already-tense relationship just exploded.
For a few weeks before she flew out here, she told me of some things she wanted to do while she was visiting. Things like going to the beach, Pearl Harbor and a couple other touristy things. These things are not bad, but in fact expected when anyone comes to Hawaii. However, she was not just coming to Hawaii. She was {supposedly} coming to see Charlotte and I and spend time with us. About a week ago, she informed me that she wasn't going to be able to rent a car when she was visiting because she didn't have the money - even though my dad just bought her a brand spankin' new car and a Vegas trip after she left Hawaii. She asked if we would have the money to rent a car and I flat-out told her no. So the result was that we'd have to do things while Joe was home in the mornings {remember the silly swing shift he's on? PT at 1430, work from 1730-0130}.
I had hoped that once she got here, she'd realize that getting Charlotte out and about was/is difficult and she'd want to just hang out at home with us. Well, I really shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. It turns out, she came to see Hawaii and then she wanted to spend time with us. Every day she was here it was, "I want to do x, y, and z. Do you think we'll be able to go see 'y' today? I really want to see 'y'. Can we do 'z' too? You only get to see Hawaii once!"
By Tuesday night (she arrived on Sunday), I about had all I could take. Joe lovingly stepped in for me during one of her "Can we see 'x' tomorrow?" rants and told her we could if it fit into our schedule. He had to go back in for a PT test the next morning, and the day before there was some sort of change of command ceremony we didn't hear about until the night before. You know how it is with the military, things change daily and sometimes hourly. Anyway. Apparently, this upset her because when I came back in the living room after getting Charlotte, Mom was outside all upset.
She came back in after about 10 minutes or so and started in on how she just wanted to see Hawaii. I told her - in a very nice, calm manner - that I would really just rather she want to stay home and hang out with us. {Because, really, that's when Charlotte is the happiest.} I told her I understood her want/need to see the island, but it's just hard for me because all I do is worry about Charlotte when we're out - is she hungry/sleepy/wet/dirty/why won't she eat?! After several minutes of us going back and forth - and her expressing concerns about Joe's feelings toward her - she went back outside. I asked Joe to go out and talk to her {he'd been in our room, trying to sleep} because I was in the middle of feeding Charlotte.
I don't know what was said out there, but Mom came back inside all fired up. It was unbelievably awful. If you follow me on Twitter, you might have caught a couple of my tweets from that night. We argued about everything from why she came to visit {and why my dad didn't} to things that happened before Joe and I were even married. I was accused of not loving my family, abandoning them when I got married, and basically being a bad daughter. Oh, and I'm pretty sure she resents the fact that I'm so close to my in-laws. I'm guessing she wanted me to not like them so much? I don't know. Nothing was really resolved that night... I gave up trying to talk to her around midnight. I was exhausted mentally and physically and I knew that Charlotte would be up in 5 or 6 hours.
When Charlotte woke up around 6:00, Mom was sort of up but didn't really say much to me. I went back to bed right after I fed her because I was so tired. Joe had gotten up at 5:00 for his PT test, so he was long gone. And when I got up for the day around 8:00, Mom had left a note saying she went for a walk. She came back a few minutes into Charlotte's feeding and I was honestly expecting some sort of talk about the previous night. Instead, I got the exact opposite. She acted like nothing had happened. She was overly chipper and talked about how great her walk was... It was bizarre. And not a word was mentioned about it for the rest of her stay. None. What. So. Ever.
I feel so confused and a tad bit guilty for everything blowing up while she was here. And also that we weren't able to do much in the way of tourism. But then I realize that she had 2 years to come here and play the tourist. When Joe was deployed, my parents took a trip to Vegas. I mentioned a few times that it wouldn't be that much more costly for them to come visit me. Hawaii is only a 6 hour plane ride from Vegas. I know, I've done it. I would've loved for them to be here while I was going through deployment. It would've been nice to have company. But, no, they didn't come. And I also realize that most family members would have 1) stayed for more than 4 days and 2) realized that we just can't pick up everything at the drop of a hat and do everything we/they want to do.
So now I just don't know what to do. Do I push the issue and try to solve things? Do I do as my parents are clearly doing and ignore it? I love my family, but sometimes I honestly wonder if I should even bother. I feel drained emotionally and spiritually. I'm searching for the answers only God can give, but I haven't found any yet. So if you've made it this far please say
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