It doesn't look like this:
And it definitely won't give you energy. Or a sugar rush.
It doesn't look like this either.
Though, I'm not sure I'd be scared of this guy.
This is what I'm talking about.
I'm pretty sure it's not this cute though.
This green monster goes by the name of Jealousy or Envy. Either name is acceptable. This monster can't be seen and sometimes it's not even heard, but it lives in the minds of many people.
I am one of those people. I hate to admit it, but it's true. It's been true for a long time. I go through periods of jealousy. For instance:
❊ When I was single, I wanted a boyfriend.
❊ When I was dating, I wanted to be engaged/get married.
(Though my ultimate goal in both of those situations was to get married one day.)
❊ When I was in college, I wanted to graduate.
❊ When I graduated, I wanted a job.
❊ When other people got "my" job, I was jealous.
Life situations have changed, but the jealousy remains. Now, I'm jealous of simpler things like:
❊ Having my husband home.
❊ Talking to my husband on a regular basis.
❊ Having babies with my husband. (Which he obviously has to be here for.)
❊ Living in the same country as my husband.
❊ Watching TV with my husband.
Seasons come and go, but the jealousy is still there. It's not always...big and green in my mind, but I'm sure it's always there lurking. After we got married, most of the jealousy subsided. I was happy and married. It stayed that way even after Joe lost his job and we were broker than broke. Then the Army entered our lives. Though it was a decision we both made (he wouldn't have joined if I had said no), it's still really hard. What might be the hardest is watching all of my friends from back home live the life that I had planned.
It's hard being constantly separated, as all of you milspouses know very well. I often feel like our first year of marriage was our best because we were together for the entire thing. We weren't able to say that for the second. And we'll be together for most of our third year if we're lucky. Though if things go as planned, we won't be together for the whole time. Then again, things never go as planned so maybe we will!
I don't like being this jealous person. I know that it makes me focus on the negative, in turn making me depressed. It's just hard. I know that I don't need to focus on the "don't haves" but on all of the blessings God has given me. Sometimes I just can't see the forest of blessings for all of the trees, you know?
