Today was hard, but somehow, I just got through it. I've mostly been feeling numb and empty. I haven't been eating much because my stomach just hurts. Not like bad hurt, just nervous/anxious hurt. I've also been nauseous on and off, probably from worrying so much.
Joe was able to call me twice today. =) That made things much easier, but I know that I really cannot expect that anymore. It does help to ease the initial pain, though. He did the same thing when he left for BCT. Plus, just hearing his voice makes everything so much better.
I only got about 5 hrs of sleep last night, but I suppose that's to be expected. If it keeps up, I'll drug myself to sleep. Lol! I had a friend come over and help me clean today. Her husband is in the same company as mine, so we're in the same boat. I spent most of last night at her house because I just didn't want to come home to my empty house and bed. My kitchen is now clean, thanks to her. =) Then, her friend (who I didn't know previously) invited us to the beach. I didn't really want to go at first, but I'm kind of glad I did. It was more relaxing than I thought it would be. Weird, huh?
On the way to the beach, though, I got some really bad news from my mom. Nana had taken Papa to the hospital for a CT because he'd been sick and started having double vision. It turned out that he had a mass in his brain, between his eyes. After an MRI, they concluded that it's an aneurysm. He's being taken by ambulance to UAMS in Little Rock to see a surgeon - I'm assuming. With all of the things that I've been worried about, this one just freakin' adds to the pile. I broke down after my trip to the beach, which turned into an emergency phone call to my bestie. I honestly don't know what I'd do without her. 7,000 miles away and she's still calming me down, reminding me who is really in control. And who knew this was going to happen all along. *sigh* She's the best.
I went to dinner and a movie with Mrs. C, her hubby and his friend. We had such a good time! I was soo glad to hang out with them! We've only known them for 2 months, but I think we've bonded. ;-) Plus, it doesn't hurt that her husband and mind share the same name and really close MOS's. Lol. We ate at Chili's and then went to see Toy Story 3. It was so good! I didn't get to see the end though. Joe called me from a wacky European number, and I jumped up and ran out of that theater! I got to talk to him for 20 minutes. Bless his sweet heart, he bought a phone card so he could call me. His voice is the best sound in the world to me! I'm sure you ladies understand. =) It was a blessed 20 minute conversation. Ever since I got the news about Papa, I'd been dying to talk to him. It was good to know that he's ok...even though I know he's only been on a plane since I last saw him. I'm hoping that I can get through tomorrow without a phone call. I have a feeling it's going to be a while before my next one.
So, after my awesome night, I heard a song on the radio. {Praise the Lord that KLOVE has a station here, even if it's not always clear!} At first, it made me cry. Then it made me remember that no matter what God is always with me. Even when it hurts, even when it sucks, even when I think I just can't take it anymore. He's here. He can handle my burdens, my problems.
"Always" by Building 429
I was standing in the pouring rain one dark November night
Fighting off the bitter cold when she caught my eye
Her face was taught and her eyes were filled, and to my surprise
She pulled out a photograph and my heart just stopped inside
She said, “He would’ve been three today
I miss his smile, I miss his face”
What was I supposed to say, but
CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always
He was living in a broken world, dreaming of a home
His heart was barely keeping pace when I found him all alone
Remembering the way he felt when his daddy said goodbye
Fighting just to keep the tears and the anger locked inside
He’s barely holding onto faith
But deliverance is on its way, cause
CHORUS
I believe always, always
Our Savior never fails
Even when all hope is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
He will be with you always
Friend, I don’t know where you are and I don’t know where you’ve been
Maybe you’re fighting for your life or just about to throw the towel in
But if you’re crying out for mercy, if there’s no hope left at all
If you’ve given everything you’ve got and you’re still about to fall
Well hold on, hold on, hold on, cause
I believe always, always
Our savior never fails
Even when all faith is gone
God knows our pain and his promise remains
Always, always, He will be with you always
Doesn't that song just have an awesome message?! I was blown away even though I've heard the song countless times. I love the way God uses music in my life. I love the way God uses people in my life. People like you, who read my blog and pour out love even though you've never met me. My husband may be halfway across the world, but I am blessed. And He's with me through it all. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I'm also planning on starting Faith Deployed by Jocelyn Greene tonight. One more thing to keep me plugged in.
So, this is me...surviving this deployment one day at a time.
