Struggles

So. I said before that I wish I'd blogged about our struggles with breastfeeding during the first few months. Now that we're hitting some more struggles, I feel like I need to talk about it. And maybe it'll either help someone else or it'll help me. Either way, it's a total win in my book. So here goes.

Joe was off on Friday. That morning I decided I'd go to the commissary early since it was payday. I nursed Charlotte and it was effortless as usual. She drank her milk, we relaxed in the nursery and cuddled. Then I had Joe feed her some cereal and apples while I got ready to go. 

After I came back from the commissary unscathed {which I'm sure you know is RARE, especially on payday}, the little missy woke up and I went to feed her again. Only...my milk didn't let down. 

Obviously, this had never happened before. And it was/is so random! I assumed it was a fluke, attempted to pump (to no avail) and then gave up. Next feeding? Same thing. And the one after that. I started taking fenugreek again after the 2nd time it didn't let down. I knew something was up and I had fenugreek on hand from when my supply slowed down because of the pill. I even had Joe go get me a beer (the hops help with production)... That just shows you how desperate I was - I HATE beer!

Saturday morning I decided to feed Charlotte in our bed because I'm more relaxed and she's more likely to hang out and try harder. I had felt fairly full that morning, so I thought it would go well. 30 minutes later....nothing. That's when I put in a call to the LC (lactation consultant). She suggested fenugreek (yay, I'd already started!), more pumping, and nipple stimulation. I also had Joe go out and get ingredients for lactation cookies...which I haven't made yet. Fail. I can already tell a difference in my production, though. The let down reflex? Not so much. It still took a while for it to let down for her this morning, BUT it did let down! 

We have another problem now, though. Charlotte's not wanting to nurse. She'll latch for maybe a minute, get irritated and pull off. Sometimes she lasts for a minute or two longer, but she hasn't nursed at all since this morning. Even better (or worse, actually)? She refuses to take a bottle. So not only will she not get milk from me, she doesn't want it at all! I don't get it. 

Looking back over the last few weeks, I'm really wondering if she's wanting to wean. I know it's a bit unusual for babies to wean before 1 year, but... She hasn't been nursing consistently for at least a couple weeks. She would skip feedings completely or she'd take small ones. The only feeding she really takes is the morning one. I'm starting to think I should just try to nurse her in the morning and at night and do something else during the day, when she gets solid food. 

Needless to say, I am extremely frustrated. Between loading up on fenugreek, pumping a gazillion times a day, trying to nurse her and/or coaxing her into taking a bottle... I'm about to lose it. I'm also really sad. I've said it a bazillion times here... I love breastfeeding. A lot. And I really don't want to give it up just because we're in a rough phase.

I mean, seriously, who wants to give up these sweet cuddles?!

So I think I'm going to give it a week. I'm going to try and nurse her as normal, but try and not freak out if she refuses. {No promises on the tears. My mama heart is hurting.} And then I guess I'll reevaluate at the end of the week. I'm thinking about pumping for her, but it might be a hassle since we're flying to NC in a couple weeks and when we get back we're going to be doing PCS-prep. 

I don't know. Honestly, I'm praying that this is just a phase - just one of those times you have to get through to get back to normal. Please say some prayers for us this week, if you think about it. This is tough!!