At the suggestion of several friends and a family member, I borrowed this book from my bestie.
On Becoming Babwise is a parenting book, like all others, full of suggestions and helpful tips to get you through the first weeks and months of your baby's life. Knowing other women/families who have done this method with their babies, I was pretty excited to read it. I actually started reading it during my first trimester, but my wise bestie told me it'd probably benefit me more later. She was probably right because pregnancy brain is serious business! So, about a week and a half ago I picked it up again. And couldn't put it down. Not because it's a stimulating read {I mean, it is non-fiction ;)}, but because I can totally see how this method works.
The "Babwise method,"as most people call it now, is based on one simple - yet very controversial - little thing called Parent-Directed Feeding (PDF). This is basically the complete opposite of demand feeding and everything attachment parenting-related, which I feel like has led to all of the controversy. The authors describe PDF as this:
"Parent-directed feeding is a twenty-four hour infant-management strategy designed to help moms connect with their babies and their babies connect with them. It is a proactive approach to infant care, meeting the needs of the newborn and those of the rest of the family... PDF is the center point between hyper scheduling on one extreme and attachment parenting at the other. It has enough structure to bring security and order to your baby's world, yet enough flexibility to give mom the freedom to respond to any need at any time."
So let's see... We're meeting the needs of the newborn and the rest of the family. We're not hyper scheduling; we're structured, yet flexible. I'm thinking this sounds pretty good. What about you?
The book goes on to talk about the differences between demand feeding, clock feeding {hyper scheduling} and PDF. I'm going to condense it a bit for you, so you can really see the difference.
Demand Feeding: Hunger Cue {from baby} + Nothing = Feeding Time
Clock Feeding: Clock {time} + Nothing = Feeding Time
PDF: Hunger Cue + Clock + PA {Parental Assessment} = Feeding Time
Just based on those mini-equations, I can see which one makes the most sense. I've known women who have demand fed... Offered the breast {or bottle} at any little sign of fussiness, without evaluating if their child was actually hungry. Babies can be fussy for pretty much any reason... So why offer food at the tiniest sign of fussiness? I just don't get it...
Babywise suggests that a feeding philosophy {PDF, demand feeding, clock feeding} "represents more than just passing on nourishment to a baby; it represents a complex value system with its own set of expectations and beliefs about what is best for a child."
Babywise is also more than just a feeding philosophy. It's also a sleep-training method. One of the opening lines in the book goes something like "who wouldn't want their infant to sleep?" Pretty sure the answer to that is obvious. Everyone wants sleep, even babies. Babywise combines Parent-Directed Feeding and Sleep/Wake cycles.
For example, you feed baby every 2.5-3.5 hours and begin the sleep/wake cycle with the first morning feeding. So, say baby gets up to eat at 7. You feed them, put them down for a little awake time and then down for a nap when they get sleepy. Let them nap and feed them again around 9 or 9:30. This is where the parental assessment comes in. The 2.5-3.5 hours between feedings is a suggested guideline. It's not set in stone. In fact, they say over and over again throughout the book that if you think your baby is hungry, feed the baby. The goal is just to keep them on a schedule that is flexible so that they get enough to eat and enough sleep. It's really that simple.
Contrary to popular belief, the authors of Babywise don't want you to starve your infant. It's in no way dangerous to put your newborn on a schedule. In fact, if you're breast feeding, it's better have a schedule! Why? Because if your baby is being fed on-demand, say, every 45 minutes, they don't get to the "hind milk" which has all the nutrition and antibodies their bodies really need. So basically we're talking quality feedings versus quantity feedings. More feedings don't mean they're getting more nutrition. Make sense?!
To take on more of the controversy behind this book, here are the guidelines for the first week of the baby's life:
- Don't focus on the clock or time between feedings.
- Focus on getting full feedings, which may mean keeping the baby awake to eat. {Feedings should last 30-45 minutes.}
- Focus on getting at least 8 feedings in a 24 hour period.
Funny enough, the breastfeeding class I went to yesterday suggested the same things!
After the first week, Babywise suggests the following:
- 7+ days: start the eat/wake/sleep cycle at the early morning feeding
- 10+ days: start Parent-Directed Feeding cycles, feeding every 2.5 - 3 hours from beginning of one feeding to beginning of the next feeding.
The authors also state that by 7-10 days, most babies will fall into a feeding schedule. But, as always, the parent is encouraged to feed the baby sooner than 2.5 hours if baby is showing signs of hunger.
Then at 5-8 weeks, the feeding cycles can grow to 3.5 hours in between feedings. They may have a growth spurt, but the parent is encouraged to add in an extra feeding, instead of letting the baby snack or cluster-feed. This goes back to quantity vs. quality feedings.
At around 8 weeks, most babies who are "on" the Babywise method start sleeping through the night. All babies are different, so not all of them do sleep through the night. The question is why do they sleep through the night so early?! Without overanalyzing anything, they're getting enough feedings during the day and they're getting good naps and wake times in.
Babywise also holds the standpoint that sleeping through the night is a very healthy attribute for babies.
"Imagine your spouse getting no more than three hours sleep at a stretch for one week. Would you expect this to impact his or her attitudes, actions, and overall accountability? Certainly the negative effects on his or her mature central nervous system are widely known... Now consider an infant whose central nervous system is still developing. Even more is at stake. To what extent, then, does sleep deprivation negatively impact and infant's developing central nervous system? Imagine parenting in such a way that your baby is not allowed to sleep continuously for eight hours for even one night our of three hundred and sixty five."
There is so much more that this book talks about {sleep props, baby wearing, co-sleeping} that I can hardly get into in one blog post. Here's what I'm trying to say:
- Babywise won't harm your baby.
- Feeding on a flexible schedule won't harm your baby.
- Training your baby to sleep through eat/wake/sleep cycles won't harm your baby.
- All parenting books are guidelines for parents to follow and Babywise is another.
I plan on implementing the Babywise method once Charlotte is here. I can tell you that I feel much more comfortable with this method than the attachment parenting, demand-feeding method. As pointed out in the book, Joe and I feel that our child can gain nothing better by sleeping in our room and being fed every hour than she can gain by sleeping in her crib, in her room and being fed on a flexible schedule. {Babywise suggests that co-sleeping can produce feelings of insecurity - rather than security - when you eventually move the baby out of your bed or room.} Personally, knowing that I will have a schedule for her provides me with so much more comfort and peace of mind than the thought of feeding her whenever she cries. I should also add {to combat the "this isn't healthy for your child" comments} that my bestie and my SIL both have implemented this method with their babies. All 3 of the babies are happy, healthy, well-fed, have never gone hungry and have never been watched for being underweight.
Now, I realize that many people are attachment, demand-feeding parents. I can't - and won't - tell you what is best for your child, so please extend me the same courtesy. I see so many benefits from using the Babywise method that I can't find any reason not to do it. Many of you may feel the same about your methods. While I would love to turn an attachment parent into a Babywise parent, I won't pressure anyone. =) I will say, though, that if you're pregnant or looking to change things with your baby's schedule {or lack thereof} get this book!
If you're interested, there's also a Babywise mom blog out there called, Chronicles of a Babywise Mom, that has some really great tips. She probably explains this method far better than I ever could.
NOTE: I was in no way compensated for reviewing On Becoming Babywise. This was simply something suggested to me by friends and family that I wanted to share with my readers.
