A Really High Fever

It seems like every. single. woman. I know is either pregnant, planning to be pregnant or just had a baby.

I had my lovely yearly "invasion" (as I like to call it) today. It's not that it's that bad, it's just really uncomfortable. Really. Anyway. As always during this visit, I chatted with my doctor about my cycle and all that stuff. Near the end of the appointment, I asked if everything looked good. Her response? "Yep! Everything looks great. =) Just ready for a baby to be in there!"

Thanks, doc. Exactly what I needed to hear.

My baby fever is insanely high. Some days, it's all I can think about. I find myself thinking about being pregnant, bringing a baby home... How it will affect our marriage, our lives. I find myself planning things. When to get pregnant, when not to get pregnant.

Why, why, why do I do this to myself?! It's not like my husband is home. It's not like this is going to happen anytime soon. Thinking about it - no, obsessing about it - doesn't help. Today, I seriously started planning out (in my head) where I would put a crib, changing table, etc. in our spare bedroom. I'm serious!

Then there are times (like today) when I freak out thinking about it. I want to have babies. I want to be a mom. But, oh my goodness, how it's literally going to change my life - our life! Things will be so incredibly different. And with the military, I'll be a single parent half the time. Lots and lots of things to consider.

Ultimately, I know nothing will happen unless God wants it to. Darn it if I can't help but plan things, though! I was talking to the best SIL ever my SIL today about it, and both of us are this way. Oh, how we wish we weren't! My life would probably be a bazillion times easier if I didn't plan things out and then worry/stress when things don't go the way I planned them.

I just don't know how to stop planning things. I even do it with Joe. You should have heard me talking to him earlier tonight. Of course now I feel bad about it. I was trying to push something on him that he's not really in favor of...and I just wouldn't let up! What on earth is wrong with me?! Am I really so goal-oriented that I can't take into account his feelings and his wants?

Sometimes I wonder if the military weren't involved in my life, if I'd be trying to plan things (i.e. a pregnancy) around someone else's schedule. Actually, I might already be pregnant if Joe had never lost his job, enlisted, went to BCT and got deployed. Maybe.

Y'all, I really feel like I'm losing my mind with all of this. Please tell me I'm not alone! How do I keep from going crazy?!?!